Who do I want to be?

I have found that I spend a lot of time thinking about who I want to be. I compare myself with who I once was as a sort of gauge, but I don’t often look at who I am right this moment.

Just this morning I was listening to my daily Bible reading and thought to myself, “If only I had Solomon’s wisdom” which I quickly followed up with, “But with David’s heart” and then, “Ahh, to have Job’s never wavering faith”.

Then I stopped myself. Comparing myself to others is never helpful. This is a way of putting myself down, measuring myself up to those that are “better” than me. This is not the purpose for God recording His word. He does not want us to read these and walk away feeling like we could never measure up to a particular standard. He wants us to read His words and learn from them, grow and mature through them. It’s not my place to judge, not even when it comes to myself. That is something I need to leave up to God.

I have recently started listening to the audio version of the book not a fan, by Kyle Idleman and he wrote about something the  that never really crossed my mind. A lot of believers, myself included, can look at these stories in the Bible and think, “wow, what it would be like to climb that mountain and hear God as Moses did” or “to be able to call upon God and have fire fall from heaven as Elijah did”. Kyle challenges that and asks us, when we get to heaven and see these men, do you think they will be going on about the wonderous things they accomplished in their time or do you think they will be asking us how it was to have the Holy Spirit LIVING in us always? Moses had to climb that mountain to be before God….we have Jesus right by our side every moment. THAT is an amazing place to be.

Jesus tells us, “Nevertheless, I tell you the truth: it is to your advantage that I go away, for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you. But if I go, I will send him to you.” John 16:7 (ESV)

Today I again am reminded that I need to love myself. God loves me, He has always loved me. Who am I to say I am unworthy? That has already been decided! That is the reason God sent His son, to save us from ourselves.

I will never be worthy, I will never be perfect, I will never be good. I am human and I am flawed and I accept that. I accept my failures and my need for God’s grace. I bring it all before the throne and ask Jesus to cleans me and for the Spirit to work through me, for I am unable to accomplish the things He has me here to do without His strength.

The Bible is full of beauty and lessons to be learned. Conviction can be a wonderful thing, condemnation is counter-productive.

I choose to be free in Christ and to give Him control.


Do you find yourself trying to measure up? How do you keep yourself focused on Christ and accept His unmerited Grace?


Faithful Servant

I have wasted so much time in my life comparing myself to others….I still do and have to redirect my thoughts often. What good does that do? None. It is detrimental really. When I spend more time comparing myself to others and counting all my faults, I am doing myself and God a disservice. I am wasting time and allowing the darkness to keep me distracted from where God wants me to be.

John 12:26 ESV If anyone serves me, he must follow me; and where I am, there will my servant be also. If anyone serves me, the Father will honor him.

How can I follow Jesus when I am not keeping my eyes on Him? How can I honor God and be honored by Him when I am taking my eyes off the prize, His glory? I cannot.

God has been doing a great work in me and teaching me how to take myself out of the equation. (I feel we will be working on this for a long time lol) When I obey Him, silence my tongue and wait for Him, amazing things happen. I get to sit back and watch Him work. I can see Him stirring in another and I am giving them the opportunity to hear Him rather than me. When I look at a brother or sister in Christ with love rather than to compare “how much better they are” I find the blessings begin pour out. Relationships deepen. Hardened hearts begin to soften. Truly amazing.

Colossians 3:12 ESV Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience,

These things listed here are so hard for me to put into practice. My natural reactions can be quite the opposite. Yet, those moments when I obey and approach life in the way God commands me to…well, things are so much better! Which is why He commands us…so simple, yet so difficult!

So I walk in faith, grace and love. I remind myself that we are all made with a purpose and to compare myself to another will never bring any good to any situation. God has a purpose for me. He made me the crazy woman I am to bring Him glory. I am learning to forgive myself as God has forgiven me, to move forward and not look back with remorse but with joy. I can find joy and pleasure in how far Jesus has brought me. I can walk in the path He has given me and know that no matter what, it will all work out as He has designed it to. I don’t need to know it all, I don’t need to fix it all. I only need to keep my eyes on Jesus and allow Him to lead the way. When I get ahead of myself, and ahead of Him, I lose my way.



Reaching out in fellowship.

Waiting on the Lord’s answer.

These are the things I need to remind myself of constantly. He has never let me down and has brought me to amazing places when I have let go.


I will close with a portion of a song that has been touching my heart deeply.

Why do I try to work outside of You?
Knocking down doors I shouldn’t be going through
But I’m so tired, I’m so tired
You take my burdens off of my shoulders
You break the lies that hold me back
I’m not sure enough

You’re my revival song, You start where I belong
On my knees, on my knees
When I am weak You’re strong, You meet me here
When I’m on my knees, on my knees
Yeah, it starts with me

I really wanna change the world
I really wanna sing Your song
But I know revival’s got to start with me
I really wanna change the world
I really wanna sing Your song
But I know revival’s got to start with me

– Tim Timmons, Starts with Me

We belong on our knees before our one and true God….that is where the magic happens!