Taking care of my body

I have been following a low carb, high fat diet and have been feeling fantastic. I started this journey at the end of January this year and have been steadily losing weight due to my body running more effectively. I have lost a total of 35 lbs. just eating real food.

I eat when I am hungry and I eat until I am full. I do not count calories, I do not count carbs, I do not count anything! I choose to eat real foods, that means I have dropped most boxed foods. It’s not as hard as it seems. I do not eat pasta, I do not eat bread, I choose full fat condiments and it’s been great. I can delve into the science a bit more later on.

Real, full-fat foods are a great energy source for our bodies. Some days I feel like I am eating all day and that is ok! I just keep on making the healthier choices. There are also days where I hardly eat and that is ok too! I am learning to listen to my body and it has really been paying off.

Do I cheat? Yes I do! This is not a diet to me, it’s a lifestyle change. I know that this sounds cliché, but it’s true. If I choose to eat a food outside of what I have deemed the norm, it’s because it is worth it for me that day! Cheating was once a weekend thing for me, now it’s a single item choice any time it comes up. I was super strict in the first few weeks and have felt the way food effect my energy and mood. Now I choose healthier and happier me day to day.

I would love to chat with you all more about this. It’s been a short journey this far but so rewarding!

Who is she?

Who is this girl?

So unsure, uncertain, so scared.

Who is this girl that sheds such deep tears for the pain from long ago?

Who is this girl that plays in the rain effortlessly?

I thought her to be dead long ago.

Here you are, sweet girl, right where you’re meant to be in me.

She is peaking out if the deep dark box had been kept prisoner in all these years. Climbing out of the dark recesses of my soul.

“Hide away and take your shame with you.” She was told so long ago.

Good bye little girl, so full of hope, joy, and freedom. Sweet little girl buried in sins long forgotten. Covered in regret and denial.

Out of the ashes she rises, by God’s grace alone I can once again see the glimmer in her eyes.

Smiling

Dancing

Regrets surrendered

Touched by the Holy Spirit,  she is transformed. Life breathed into her once again.

Still distant, storms still raging,  but she’s there once more. Darkness slipping and Light breaking through.

So hard.

So beautiful.

So kind.

Transformation is His will and I follow in obedience. I surrender all to You, my King.

 

My Spirit is willing

Matthew 26:41-42

41 Keep alert and pray. Otherwise temptation will overpower you. For though the spirit is willing enough, the body is weak!” 42 Again he left them and prayed, “My Father! If this cup cannot be taken away until I drink it, your will be done.”

Oh Father God, I come before you and pray that you carry me through this time of cleansing and healing. I sit before you and pray to you for strength, my spirit is willing and rejoices, yet my flesh is weak and temptations are all around. I hear the enemy whispering lies behind me, trying to catch my attention so that I waiver and look away from You.

Philippians 3:10-14

10 I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11 and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead. 12Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Jesus, you are amazing and I thank You for you love, your patients and your gentleness. I thank You for carrying me through the darkest times and rejoicing with me in the happiest of times. I thank You for the wonderful brothers and sisters you have given to me as a support in this crazy walk of life. I thank You for the beautiful family You have bestowed upon me and pray that You continue to do a work in me so that I may be more patient, loving and gentle towards them.

My Spirit is willing and I continue to pray that you dig deeper and cleans this wounds that have been festering for far too long. I acknowledge my flesh crying out and I choose to perceiver through the process with your support, with my sister’s support. I will not turn back, I will not hide, I will not hide my face from You, oh loving God. You know me, You love me, not one part of me is hidden to You.

I choose joy and freedom in Christ Jesus. I am so thankful that I can be free in Him. I pray that my experiences and struggles will be used to glorify His Kingdom and to bring healing and joy to others around me.

I am so happy and thankful that I am able to lean on the Living God in times of heartache and struggle. We are all so blessed to have this love.

Doing Good to All

Galatians 6:1-10

New International Version (NIV)

Doing Good to All

Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load. Nevertheless, the one who receives instruction in the word should share all good things with their instructor.

Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. 10 Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.

As I read this portion of scripture, I can feel the pain that sin can bring into our lives. I have a heart for those that are facing that sin in their lives while having to deal with judgment from fellow believers. We are not to condone sin, we are not to brush it off as no big deal, we are commanded to come along side and to restore gently.

Who I am to pass judgment? Where does God command me to do so? He does not. I can list so many struggles I have in my own life that can easily overcome if I step out of God’s will  for just a moment. How many times have I lashed out from a place of sin and the pain that comes with it? Is it not hard enough dealing with the repercussions that follow my poor choices? Does God not warn us of this?

Matthew 7

New International Version (NIV)

Judging Others

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

Brothers and sisters, I take this time to remind us all that we need to be forgiving. We need to allow our Lord to change this hearts, to love as He loves and to forgive as He forgives. Is His grace not sufficient? Do I deserve His love? Did He deserve the wrath He accepted on all of our behalves?

Stop. Take a moment, pray, and gain perspective. Not one of us deserves this life, but our loving God gave it to us anyway. Who are we to pass judgment and condemn others for their sins? Who am I? I am a sinner who struggles to keep my eyes off self and to keep them on my Lord and Savior. I know that I have a very real enemy that is ever lurking and waiting to pounce the very moment I blink. None of us are exempt. We all fall short. Let us join in this together and ease the burden.

Today I pray for you right where you are and in whatever struggles you may be in.

He created this life anyway

Psalm 139: 1-18

For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.

You have searched me, Lord,
    and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
    you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
    you, Lord, know it completely.
You hem me in behind and before,
    and you lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit?
    Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
    if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
    your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
    and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
    the night will shine like the day,
    for darkness is as light to you.

13 For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
    they would outnumber the grains of sand—
    when I awake, I am still with you.

I once mentioned that I have been going through a time in my life where God has shown me that I have deeply buried guilt and shame that I never dealt with. I have been on this journey for several weeks and have been amazed at the amount of space these past traumas have been taking up in my life. I am still just scrapping the surface of this pain and am already feeling God’s love and peace seeping in even more as He delivers me from this pain.

As I was reading this Psalm, I was overcome with such a peace and calm in the knowledge that my God knew all the terrible things I would do in this life long before I was conceived. He knew that I would leave trail of tears and wretchedness behind me. He knew how long it would take before I would turn to Him and recognize Him for the loving, healing, all-knowing God that He is. He knew and choose to let me walk this earth anyway. He knew and allowed this life to be. He knew and was by my side through it all, even when I had my back turned to Him.

How amazing is that? How crazy is it to think that I can be so hard on myself for past and present struggles and to know that God knew then, He knows now, and He knows more than I could ever even imagine.

I am a wretched person, I am unworthy and unqualified. God chose me anyway. I am humbled by this and so full of joy as I ponder this. He chose each and every one of us before we were conceived. There are no mistakes, we are all purposely placed in this world, in this very place and time. He has a plan for our lives. He knows that despite all the wrongs we do in this world, He can still use us to glorify His Kingdom if we will only allow Him to do so.

Today I urge you all to take a moment to pause and really ponder this fact. God knows you, He knew you before you were created. He knew all the terrible things you would do and chose you anyway. Turn from your sins and allow Jesus’ work to penetrate your life. LET HIM IN. Let the past go. Turn, repent, pray for deliverance and surrender your soul to the One who created you. Let Him fill you with His peace, accept the grace He offers us all.

I love you all and pray that you all see just how much God loves you at this very moment, despite all the things we allow to get in the way.