Right here

Right here, right now I am in a wonderful place. I am growing in ways that I did not think imaginable, yet all things are possible through Christ. I am in a place in uncertainty and full of feelings of inadequacy. I am finding myself being freed of self-condemnation and the chains of past regrets.

Right here and right now I am feeling like I can move forward if God’s plans for me, I can feel Jesus prompting me to move ahead and to move past the discomfort. I can feel my heart softening.

I don’t know how to act, where I fit in or how to move in the things He is laying before me, I just know that I have to.  Maybe I just need to share that more often?

I can find myself in a place of feeling like I don’t belong, like this is all a huge mistake and people will see that eventually. I can feel isolated and disconnected, and I know that it is my own doing. I need to reach out, I need to voice my inner conflicts and not feel ashamed or burdensome.

I am loved by Jesus Christ and He knows my name, He knows my heart and He knows my destiny. What more do I need?

When will I learn to just be me? When will I accept that my best is good enough. That my best changes from day-to-day and that is ok? I am not perfect, I don’t know everything, I am not the most qualified for anything in my eyes. These should not be excuses to stop from moving in what I clearly see as God’s will for me. He will meet me in those uncertain places and He will be glorified. Isn’t that all that matters?

Why am I my own worst enemy? Why do I get in the way all the time? Why do I shut down? When will I find a happy medium and learn to match the pace that Christ is setting?

Can I move through the fear? I know I am not alone in this. I know I am not the only person that feels like they don’t belong, despite how others may feel.

I will follow You anywhere Lord and I pray that You protect my heart from the fears, the doubts and the war that is raging in my soul. Help me to rest in You and to be right where You desire for me to be. You are good, You have me here for Your purposes and that is all that matters.  You love us all and will always be by our sides, let us never lose sight of that. The war can rage so strong and all I can do is close my eyes and set my heart on You. I thank You for all You have done, all You are doing and the future You have already written. In the precious name of Jesus.

Wandering Soul

Lately I have struck my the thought that, although I have not gone very far physically, but I have wandered far and wide spiritually.

There are times when I would just love to erase large portions of my past and to pretend they are not part of me. I have moments of shame, disgust and sorrow when I reflect.

I cannot change who I am, I cannot change who I was, all I can do is accept each part of me and allow myself to continue to grow.

I am not perfect. I have done horrible things and wish I would go back and do it all differently. I feel a deep sorrow for so much.

When I am still before Jesus and allow Him to be with me in my sorrow, He offers a light of truth that brings such peace.

I am loved.

I struggle with opening up those deeply buried places of regret, pain and fury. Most of me wants to keep those places cut off and in darkness forever.

Gentle Jesus, powerful Spirit, Merciful God, you release me in these things and I thank You. As I open these places, face them head on with You, I am healed. They do not go away, they are not changed, the horrible things are still just as horrible, yet You allow them to be healed and transformed into strength and wisdom. These things begin to become a place of light and a means of reaching out to others that are hurting.

You show me that I am here on purpose and with purpose I am to live. I cannot let the brokenness of this world get in the way.

You are light, You are truth and You are mighty to save. These words ring true in the very core of my being.

I can feel remorse and sadness when I reflect upon the past, but i will not dwell in that place. I choose to look back at how You protected me, even when I was Your enemy. When I was in a place of actively speaking against You and all You represented, You were still there by my side. You delivered me out of darkness and the Light was too bright to comprehend.

You are amazing and I am not worthy. Each and every day I am blown away by You.

Thank You. Words cannot do justice to the peace, love and mercies poured out on this wretched soul. I know I don’t deserve it, but I accept it as the gift You offer. For I truly was lost and am now found.

Light burst forth

“Instead of looking for good men to approve, grace is looking for condemned, guilty, speechless, and helpless men whom it may save, sanctify and glorify.” – Scofield