Forever Yours

I love you more than you could ever imagine. You truly are perfect for me. This I know to my core. My love for you has grown and matured over the years and I am honored to be yours.

We argue, we struggle and we lash out. It’s ok, we are growing and that is not easy. You look at me as though things come easy to me and believe that I am stronger than I am. That is my fault. I need to lean on you more, I need to be vulnerable before you because I know that I can be. You love me, you cherish me and I can let it all go when I am with you.

I appreciate all you do and don’t really know how to let you know that. I try, but I don’t think I do a good enough job. You are amazing, I would be lost without you. You are stronger than you think. You are there when you need to be and step up when the storms hit. You show our children what it means to be strong, independent and hard-working. They look up to you. I know you don’t see it like I do.

I am not a perfect wife, yet you love me anyway. I don’t always understand why and struggle to accept that at times. God has blessed me with you as my husband and no matter what, my heart belongs to you. I am not going anywhere.

I know I have a lot of work to do and thank you for being patient with me. I am so happy that we have an entire life time to grow together and enjoy each other. I can see why God made you for me and would not trade what we have for the world.

We are not perfect and we never will be. We will hurt, struggle and fail. We are human and cannot expect to be any other way. We are real. We are meant to be. We are the truest form of soul mates. I am proud to be yours. You are a gift.

Today I Pray

Today I pray for me

Today I bring myself before You and ask that You uproot the sin that is wrapped so deep within. I am reminded that it is there when it creeps out in those weak moments and I hate it so.

I am not really aware of what I need to let go of now, but I do know that You will show me if I would only let You. Only I can release this garbage that lays below the surface, but I don`t know how. I don`t know where. I beg for You to show me. I pray that I be still long enough to hear and see where the works needs to take place.

I trust You. You are so good to me, more than I deserve. You have walked me through such places before and I came out a lighter, kinder and healthier me. I fear nothing for You are everything.

Digging deeper is painful, messy and exhausting, but it is worth it and I am ready. I lay it all down at Your feet, Jesus. You know exactly what I need, You know exactly what lies deep within me, You are able to heal those dark places and I surrender them to You.

I choose to release the guilt, the shame and the anger that has been festering. Not only are these feelings useless, but they take up much more space than I am even aware of. This space could be filled with love, peace and kindess. These spaces are meant to be filled with You.

I pray that You forgive me for holding onto these wounds  for so long. I pray that You would forgive my anxieties and unbelief, my mistrust. That`s really what it is, isn`t it? My lack off faith keeps my from giving it all up. My lack of trust, my fear of facing what lie in that deep, dark well of past pains.

I have seen and done horrible things in my short time on this earth, but You have loved me through it all. Thank You. Thank You for not giving up on me, even when I did. I am Yours and that is all that matters. I have made all that ammendsamends that I can make and will do so again if the opportunity comes, now it is time to release it all. Now it is time to get back to who I am meant to be.

I want to shed this heavy cloak of guilt, shame and uncertainty. I want to live in the freedom You have so graciously given me. I want to walk light, peacefully and confident in all that You offer. Today I invite You into the places that hold me down. Today I pray for me and know that You will always show up for me.

And Sometimes…

The answer is to just wait.

I am a need to know kind of person and struggle with being patient. Funny that I have actually been described as a patient person from most people I have worked with.

Generally, I can drive myself nuts when I am dealing with unknowns. Yet, when you think about it, isn’t everything unknown? Is it not true that there are no certainties in any given situation? Why do I spend so much time looking for them?

Sometimes, the answer I get from God is simply for me to wait and see. This is not easy for me, but I am learning.

Just wait on the Lord, He will prompt you when it is time to move forward. Trust in Him and you will find your way. Know that the only thing that is certain in this life is Him. The only thing I can count on is Jesus. I know for sure that He is my Lord and Savior and is always on my side. He is on my side. Another statement to write down and place everywhere.

JESUS IS ON MY SIDE!

He loves me, He loves you. He loves those that hate Him just as much as He loves those that cherish Him.

If He is for us, then who can possibly be against us? On this I can rest, on this I can wait, in this I choose to move.

You Are FREE

You are all free in Christ.

Repeat these words out loud.

YOU ARE FREE IN CHRIST.

Write these words down, place them throughout your home, work, car, purse, wallet….remember these words. Live in this place. Accept the gift give to you so freely.

YOU ARE FREE IN CHRIST.

It is Time

I must allow myself to cry, as much as I hate to. This is part of the release that must take place. I must let go, I must feel, I must allow You into those secret places. Those secret places that were never truly secret. You were there, You are there, You know those places better than I.

Tears are cleansing, my sobs are those of a woman giving up her control. Control that I never had.

You are so kind to me. You were there when the wounds were inflicted. You were there when I sealed those places shut, vowing to never go there again. You told me that I needed to allow them to heal, I chose to walk away instead. I fooled myself into thinking that I was alright the way I was.

You blew it all away. You showed me just how hurt I am. You showed me that it is ok to be me. You held me close while I faced those horrors from long ago. You are so kind and gentle.

I thought You would look away. I thought You would turn from me. I forget who You are.

You are the Creator of this world. You knew me before You created me in my mother’s womb. You knew who I would be and the errors I would make, yet You gave me this gift of life anyway.

I hear the lies inside my head, the whispers that tell me that You will never love me the same once You know. Yet You know, You always knew. You are nothing like me. You never waiver, You never change, You ARE Love and Grace.

Why did it take me so long to bring this before You? Why did I hold on to this poison so tightly? Why would I choose this pain and suffering over You?

Let this guilt subside, let this pain be felt in it’s fullest, let the healing begin. It is time.

Thank You Jesus.