If I Reach Only One Person…

If I reach only one person, I will still share.

If I reach only one person, I will still sing.

If I reach only one person, I will still write

If I reach only one person, I will still speak.

If I reach only one person, and that person is me, I will still choose to be me.

Too often we walk along in our lives, assuming that we don’t make a great impact, based upon the fact that we are not on the big stage. If you were able to only reach one person in a way that transformed their lives, would you think it worth being vulnerable? See, it takes vulnerability to touch another life in a meaningful way. Transparency brings healing in a way that lasts. Today I choose to be open and unafraid.

I often tell my children to be kind to others and offer a smile whenever you can. You never know what small gesture can offer another, it could possibly restore their faith in humanity. We have a responsibility to share ourselves in ways that only we can. To offer our love, kindness, and creativity to those around us. We are there to hold that door open for that person for a reason, a reason we may never know and that is ok. The gift is not in the knowing but in the doing. Today I choose to tell that person how lovely I think they are, even if it may seem weird and uncomfortable.

MY life is on purpose and has a purpose and so I choose to walk in that. I interact with people on a regular basis and on occasion, all are for a reason. We speak into each other’s lives, even when we remain silent. Especially when we remain silent.

It takes but a moment to offer a hand to the mom struggling to care for her children and get the groceries in her car. It takes but a moment to offer to carry the elderly person’s bags. It takes but a moment to tell the server how much you appreciate their work and that they are seen. When was the last time you stopped to compliment a stranger? Today I choose to slow down and actively participate in the life that surrounds me.

I am unique and so are you. There has never been and never will again be a person like you. You matter right where you are. The plans for your life are unique and no one else can fulfill them. Don’t be afraid to fully live in the way that your heart leads. Get to know yourself and give yourself the freedom to grow and express yourself in ways that may seem frightening. Don’t think of how successful you will be, think of the one person that will see, hear, or experience your work in a way that will change their life. Accept that the one person just might be yourself. Today I choose to let my past and anxieties go so that I can fully be me.

Stop telling yourself that you are not good enough. Start creating in ways that make your heart sing, don’t worry about where it’s going to lead. The end result is not what matters, it’s the process that brings about change. Don’t waste your life away while telling yourself f that no one wants to see, hear, or watch whatever it is that you feel the need to create. That deep desire is there for a reason. Don’t let this life go by without your unique contribution. Today I choose to share my passions with others and to not talk myself out of it.

Stop trying to measure up to whoever it is that you think has a perfect life. NO ONE has a perfect life, there is no such thing as a life without loss, stress, and struggle. Some may even look to you as the one who seems to be perfect. Let’s be open and honest about our struggles in a way that brings everyone out of that delusion. Be real, don’t complain. We do live beautiful lives and we need to see and honor that. We are free to live however we see fit, not in the way that the world tells us that we should. Dare to be different, dare to live simply and fully. Today I choose to slow down and figure out how I truly want to live, despite what society tells me.

Remember that the world does not revolve around you. We can so easily process the world through our own belief system and try to force our ways on others, it’s time we stop. I am so happy to share my beliefs and point of view with others and love to hear theirs, but it is not my job to change anyone. Us human beings are to share this life and we all have our own way of living and seeing, we are best off when we take the time to hear each other and share with one another. Today I choose to share for the sake of sharing and do not expect anyone else to understand or accept my views.

 

I want to ask you a few things and I think you should take your time to answer them. Get out a notebook and tackle them in your quiet time.

  • What dreams have you put on hold because you are too busy with “real life”?
  • What talents have you chosen to put aside because you’re “really not that good”?
  • What talents have you not shared out of fear of rejection?

 

I could go on, but I think these questions are a great place for you to start. Let’s take time, over the next few weeks, to dive into those hidden talents that we too often brush to the side in exchange for what seems to be more practical. It is time that we honor our dreams, desires, and God-given talents. No more hiding, no more fear, today is the day that we choose to live differently. Today is the day that we choose to honor our authentic selves and share it with the world! Even if sharing means that only one person is influenced in a meaningful way, even it that one person is just me. I am worth it and so are you. The world needs us to be our unique and talented selves. The world needs you.

Be blessed today.

When the fog rolls in

This morning, as I was letting my chickens out, the fog was so thick that I could not see the beautiful mountains that I usually enjoy, yet I know that they are still there.  This made me think about spiritual discouragement, fear, anxiety, depression. These things can sneak in and block my view of all that God has blessed me with. The enemy uses these to try to steal my joy and to block my view of the Truth, yet I know that Jesus is still there.

 

See, even with the fog completely erasing my view this morning, I could close my eyes and envision what I know is there. I can stop and appreciate the peace that it gives me each day when I take it all in. Isn’t it so much easier to do this with the physical world? I know that the wind will come, the weather will change, the sun will be out once again, and my view will be restored. Of this, I have no doubt.  Why then is it so much harder to do this with spiritual blockages?

 

This is a reminder that it is so important to record the beautiful things in our lives so that we can go back and look upon them in times of struggle. When we can’t see God clearly before us, we need to pause and remember who He is. Nothing can move Jesus from my life; nothing can take me away from Him. I can rest in the knowledge that I am forever His and that He is always at work in my life. I have the free gift of salvation, and the Holy Spirit dwells inside of me. These are facts that can never change.

 

Today I pray that the Lord would apply these Truths to my heart. Lord, please blow away the anxiety, depression, and discouragement that creep in when struggles come. Shine through my doubts and fears. Holy Spirit, remind my soul that there is so much more than this very moment, You are always working in ways that will bring Glory to God. You are where I find my Truth. Let me seek that which I cannot see when the storms of life begin to rage. I stand firmly upon You, close my eyes, take a deep breath and wait for You to answer. For you are always there.

 

I want to encourage you to take time today to write out all the wonderful things in your life today and from the past, whatever beautiful things come to mind. Do this often and read back upon them when you are in a place of discouragement.

Privilege

Yesterday I was struck with what a privilege it is to be able to speak into people’s lives around me and to have them speak into mine. As Christians, we are called to share each other’s burdens and until I came to Calvary Southbury, I never actually understood what that meant. Through the years we have grown close to our family at this church, and it doesn’t just end after service is over. I know in my heart that people are praying for me as I pray for them. I am confident that I can reach out to a friend with any problems I may be facing and know that I will be received with warmth, truth, love, and understanding. I can be me without fear of judgment.

I am so thankful for the people in my life all around, and at this particular moment, I am just struck by the depth of my Christian family connections. There are people I have known for only moments, and they have entrusted me with their burdens. That is such a privilege. The fact that people are willing to be vulnerable with me is amazing to me. That we can take the masks off that we wear for the world and just be with one another is beyond words. The depth, the beauty, the peace that comes with this type of relationship is to be treasured.

Thank You, Lord, that You designed us to need each other. The perfection I have found in all of our imperfections is beautiful. Thank You for allowing me to be part of the work You are doing in this land I live. That You speak through me and into the lives of those around me is confounding and humbling. You never cease to amaze me.

Wonders Beyond Words

Oh Lord, the work You are doing in this life is so powerful and needs to be shared, but the words I possess cannot even begin to express it all. I am overwhelmed by the beauty of it all.  As I continue to turn this life over, I can see You work. It boils down to trust and obedience on my part. As I let go and stop trying to control, You work miracles. You are putting my brokenness back together and it is a beautiful mosaic. Pieces of me were shattered and You have the ability to take those shards that cut me so deep and make them into a work of art. Why did I hold onto them for so long? I would clutch them so hard that I would bleed. I would think to myself, why would Jesus want these pieces of me? Doesn’t He know how ugly they are? How much pain did they cause to anyone that would dare try to hold them? I would convince myself that it would be wrong to unload these things upon You. Oh, how wrong I was.

I bought into a lie that I shouldn’t “over spiritualize everything” in this life. It has struck me that all things are spiritual in nature as You have created ALL things. You created this all out of nothing and yet I was taught to believe that the spiritual and the physical are somehow separate. One cannot be without the other. We are all Yours; there are no exceptions. Every ounce of this universe is God-breathed, and I can bring it all to You. Oh and the wonders that come when I do.

Thank You for showing me how powerfully You can move in the smallest of spaces I give over to You. And yet these are only small glimpses of what is possible in You. Lord, please continue to break down these walls and work through me, I beg. I give You permission and am so thankful that You wait for me to do so. How much we would miss out on otherwise.  The stories we can share and the beautiful pieces of art we can show others and to let them know that they too can know the Great Artist. Those miracles happen every day. That His work is all around us. That His love is pure and good and healing. That complete healing and complete deliverance are possible. We only need to be willing.

“for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.” –  Philippians 2:13

 

Works

Do you ever feel like you’re just never good enough? Do you feel like you’re always falling short? I know that I can easily fall into this place if I am not careful. If I don’t hold these thought and feelings captive, I can slip into a place of basing my self-worth, my faith and my title as a child of God, purely on how well I am performing. The problem is that I have very high standards for myself and am also my own worst critic. This can be a nasty combination if allowed to run free. Luckily, we have an amazing Savior that offers us grace and mercy in all things.  We can’t earn it and we should stop trying to.

I have struggled with these things on and off for most of my life I suppose. I definitely see this in others as well. Just last night my husband and I were discussing this issue and how consuming it can become when left unchecked. The Bible tells us to take our thoughts captive because our Creator knows how we are! Thoughts left to their own devices can be used as a weapon against us. We can become consumed with thoughts of our unworthiness, our failures, our lives can become distorted and we no longer feel any satisfaction. The more we hold onto these thoughts, the more we keep them to ourselves, the further we drift from those around us and from Jesus.

This past Sunday’s message was about the importance of true unity in the Body of Christ. We must truly allow ourselves to be open, honest and vulnerable with each other. We are meant to be a support and to help one another find clarity in the midst of storms. We are meant to lean on each other and to seek counsel when our thoughts are seeming to consume us, when we are feeling like we are not good enough or when we are just feeling spiritual separation and are not sure why. We are meant for more.

Christ came and died for each of us. His death was to bring us true freedom. Basing our self-worth on our works only allows us to be held captive once again. There is no list to check off, we never arrive at a place where we are deserving, we are loved no matter what we do. This is such a hard concept to hold onto. Be free in the Grace and the Mercy that is available in all things. Every morning we wake fresh and forgiven, but only if we accept it. Essentially, we are rejecting Christ’s gift when we allow ourselves to become consumed by our negative thoughts. We are getting in the way of ourselves and of the Holy Spirit. We build walls that keep others out and keep ourselves alienated.

I have said this so many times, my personal prayer has been for our Gracious Lord to show me how He sees me. I know that He created me on purpose and He has used me in ways I could never have imagined. He tells me that I am made in His image and that He loves me, so who better to show me what that really means. Who am I to allow myself to become wrapped up in these thoughts of self-loathing? Who am I to say that I am not good enough to be of use in God’s Kingdom? Do I really think that Jesus has made a mistake? That in all the world, our Perfect Creator made this one mistake in me? That is not the Lord I believe in. The God I worship is a God of perfection, patience, kindness, and mercy. My Lord works all things for perfection and beauty. So why do I find it so hard to this see within myself?

I do believe that working to better ourselves, to seek true transformation, and to be true to our callings are important. I also know that we are not meant to beat ourselves up and to drag ourselves down. If we take the time to bring these things before The Living God, He will show us how He sees us. Jesus is ready and willing to bring us all on a path of true freedom, true joy, and true transformation; we only need to get out-of-the-way.

Today I choose to lean on my brothers and sisters in Christ. I seek wise counsel when I am feeling lost and weighed down. I spend time in the presence of our Lord and remember that He is the Creator of all things. He has a plan and it is a privileged to be part of that plan. I will not base my worth on works. I will continue to move forward and follow God’s path, even when I am not seeing results. I know in my heart that I am loved and He has shown me this so many times. Peace is found in Jesus. When I am feeling unsettled and distant, I need to evaluate my thought life and hold captive those that threaten to derail me from my calling. I am a child of God and am free in Him. Thank you, Jesus, for all You have done, for all You are doing, and for that which You continue to do in my life each day.

An Amazing Year

I sit here and ponder the last year or so of this life. The path traveled was a windy and unexpected one. I left the field of hospice care and accepted a position offered to me that I clearly saw Your hand in. I knew for a fact that You meant for me to take that position, even though it meant leaving a field I had spent eight years in. It meant leaving a company I working with from the day they opened their doors here in CT. It meant walking away from the known and into the unknown. So I did, knowing that You had a plan and this was just a step towards something. I took that position, knowing that it would not be a position I would be in forever. It was scary, exciting and freeing in so many ways. The job was great, I was able to work from home and that allowed me to be there each morning to get my kids on the bus. It meant I no longer stressed on snow days, delays and when sickness hit. It allowed me to flex my time and get more involved in my church. It was great.

After working in this new place for six months, layoffs began and I knew that my position would be one of them. I began to apply to some jobs I found I qualified for, but I hated the thought of having to give up my work at the church and my flexibility around my family. Then I lost my job. I was let go during the second wave of layoffs and went on unemployment. The only other time I have ever been on unemployment was ten years ago. It was a shock and yet I heard You telling me that this was all part of Your plan. You told me to trust You and I did. Between the pay I received “in lieu of notice” and the unemployment, we never skipped a beat financially. You just kept on providing. I was blown away each time. I adjusted my budget and saw the negatives glowing red. It brought me anxiety and instead of panicking, I rested on Your promises and handed them over to You. Our finances are not our own, they are Yours and I knew You would ensure that we were taken care of. I was blown away, week by week. You met us in those places of uncertainty every time. I am so blessed to see You move in my life. I am still amazed as I write about it.

The layoff came just three days before my step-daughters were coming to stay for the summer. I was able to be present. I was able to do more around my house and that allowed my husband to do less as he worked a ton of over-time. The over-time that was not supposed to be, the over-time that You provided. The over-time that filled those red spaces in our budget. As we walked in faith, You filled the gaps. We walked knowing that You were there and that You were working, but not knowing how. It is so freeing to be in that place once you let go of the fear.

As I continued to try to pick up more side jobs and applied to other “real jobs”, I was never called in for an interview. This is a first for me! I have always worked and have never had trouble finding a job. I took this to be You telling me that I was to continue to do what I was doing at the church I loved and with the family I adored. I kept walking blindly, just knowing in my heart that this was all going to be great. I also had moments of complete anxiety and fear, those became fewer and fewer. You brought me to a place of immense peace. You reminded me that I have always desired for more and that You were bringing me to that place. You reminded me that what seems like less to the world is so much more to You.

As my professional world lessened, my husband’s expanded. As I had more time to give, I gave it to the church I adore. I was able to serve the people there and use the skills You have given me through time. I never really thought I was “good enough” to serve as a volunteer coordinator at any church, yet my heart has desired it for so long. Here I was, volunteer coordinator at Your church. Crazy. Seriously. I knew I wanted it, but there was always this part that whispered to me of how unqualified I was. There was this part of me that didn’t think I deserved it. I mean, I don’t. The thing is, none of that matters. I knew God was calling me to a different place and I followed and just kept giving Him all my worries and doubts. He is so kind and gentle, He would remind me of who He is and what He was calling me to in so many ways. He used His people to speak just the right words at just the right time and blew me away every time.

As we approached the end of the year, so came the end of my unemployment. I was unsuccessful in finding a job that would offer what I needed to continue my work at the church and allow me to be available for my kids in the same manner that I have been. So now I am working at Your church part-time as I was able to grow into this position You called me to. You gave me this space and told me what to do with it. It was frightening, completely different from anything I have ever done before, yet I just knew that it was exactly where You wanted me.

So now I start a new year as a part-time volunteer coordinator in Your church, I am still with my kids before and after school, I am tending to my home more than I was ever able to before. There has been this huge shift in my life, but everyone here is happy and things haven’t really changed all that much. It’s difficult to explain. Walking in faith is hard, it’s a struggle. There is no easy way to follow You blindly, oh but the rewards are great. The things You have brought me through have hit my core. You have truly transformed this soul in ways that I couldn’t even begin to explain. The peace, the joy, the healing and the light that You have brought in this life are amazing.

I sit here in amazement of You. The path You have brought me through still boggles my mind. To know that so much more is still unseen is impossible to comprehend. Your vast love and kindness must never be forgotten. The freedom You have provided me is incomprehensible, yet I know I only taste a small portion of it. I know I have struggles to go through still and that each brings me closer to You. Each trial offers true strength, true peace, and unspeakable love. The weight being lifted, the pain I hardly know knew was there. Even as I struggle physically, my Soul shines brightly. The enemy may slow me down from time to time, but You’re always there. You lift me up, You patiently wait and You never waver.

To know that You truly want me to be happy, that walking in the way You asked me to would seem so irresponsible to me, yet brought such miracles. How I blindly followed You and it brought me to a place that I cannot describe. My words fail, but my heart sings to You. My gratitude pours out of me. You’ve met me at every step and I know that You always will.

Thank You Lord

You Amaze Me

Dearest Jesus,

You amaze me more and more each day. The depths of healing, peace, and restoration You have bestowed upon me are beyond anything I could have hoped for. The way You have taken such a mess as me and made me part of such beautiful things. I once thought this world full of only darkness, corruption, and disappointments. I long ago counted so much as lost. Yet You have brought me to places that have shown me the true Hope, Peace and Love of all creation. You have shown me that all the misconceptions I once held were lies. Those lies kept me from You for so long and how I hope that I can be a testimony to those that believe those lies now.

I one was lost, a wretch, a liar, and full of destruction. Now that I have You, I can feel the life being poured into me and I am amazed at all  that You have used to bring good into this life. The baggage I once carried has been lifted and I am now able to use my past as a tool to bring others healing. Regret, shame, and guilt melt away with each passing day. Thank You for that.

I see now that I allowed what human beings did in Your name, keep me from You. I see it in people all around me. We are all human and no one is perfect. Following Christ is not an easy road to travel and how easily we can be pulled into the things of the world. How easy it is to use our Lord’s good name to bring pain, suffering , and guilt upon others. We must rely on Jesus every moment. We all fail, we all fall short and we all make mistakes. The Good News is that Jesus died for us and we can repent and be used for greater things. All we need to do is accept Jesus into our hearts. Welcome Him into our lives, learn about Him, let Him into those deep places we try so hard to hide. Let Him be our shelter in the storms of life. Stand firm on the knowledge that He has a plan for each and every person on this planet.

Thank You Lord for Your mercy, your love, your patience, and your kindness. Thank You for answering my prayer and allowing me glimpses of how You see me. I am honored that You look upon me with such affection, for I am most unworthy. Let this life be a testimony to Your greatness, to the transformation made possible in You. You took a lost, destructive, wreck of a life and made it beautiful. I pray that more people can come to know the healing I have experienced. I pray that You continue to heal this life and to dig deeper. I lay my life in Your hands. You created me and I will follow wherever You go.

Thank You, You are amazing.

Dear Jesus 10/3/15

Dear loving, kind, gentle and patient Jesus,

I first want to thank You for Your kindness, You have been by my side through so much and just wait for me to see things your way. How patient You are! Not once have you rushed me, pressured me or lefts me in frustration of the stupid things I do. I can only hope that I can learn to give others a fraction of the grace and mercy You give us all. My heart is filled with joy, happiness and appreciation as I type this. The words I can use to describe the depths of my gratitude can’t even come close to the emotion I feel when I think of all You have done, are doing right now and all the plans You have for my future. I am Yours.

You have created me on purpose and with purpose, of this I can never lose sight. Oh how easy it is to look focus on this when the storms of life hit. How I must rely on my faith, buried deep in my heart, when I cannot see You clearly. It has taken time for me to learn and trust that I can simply close my eyes and follow Your lead in these times. I don’t have to get lost in the messes of this life, I don’t have to focus on all my shortcomings. In fact You tell me NOT to focus on all these things, look past them and look to Your loving face. Always near, always ready, always with purpose. I am never lost. You always know right where I am and why. When things are unclear I can rest easy on the fact that they are always crystal clear to You. The more I learn this, the more I can feel that peace that surpasses all understanding. The lighter I feel, the deeper I feel, the easier this walk becomes. Thank You.

Recently I was in a place where I couldn’t understand another person’s dislike for me. Why do they have to make those snide comments that feel like paper-cuts. They are shallow, small and they burn. I was angry at one point, but did not react so. I can thank You for that. You have changed this heart of mine and it surprised me how far we have come together. The transformation that has taken place in this life is amazing. All I can do at times is to sit in complete awe of who I have begun to be in You. Who am I that You would take such interests and to invest such power and transformation in?

As I meditated on my feelings and this person, You began to show me just how hardened their heart is and how far from You they are. Then an amazing thing happened! For the first time, I felt sadness for this person. I was moved to praying for them to find You as I have. My heart began to ache as I am sure Yours does too. A child of Yours that chooses to turn against You and to live in a place of darkness, oh how that must cause You pain. A life that You crafted to be a things of beauty and light. Will they turn to You before they find their life ending? Will they find that You have loved them all along and have been waiting for the day that they turn back to You? How my anger and frustration melted away and was replaced with sadness and hope. How my heart aches for them to get a glimpse of Your magnificence and for them to never be the same.

I too was lost and my heart was also hardened against You. All I can do is share my life, my heart and the amazing transformation that has taken place in me. I can be a testament to the power You are so willing to place in us. How You will never force us to come back to You and that You never forget us. No matter how far we have fallen, when we turn around You are right there, ready to catch us.

For these things I praise you Lord. Thank You.  

Out of My Element

It has been far too long since I last wrote. For that I apologize to myself, to the readers and to my Lord. My writing is a way to process, to share, to testify of His love, grace and kindness.

These past few months have been a whirlwind. For a very long time I have been praying for freedom and change in my work life. I have felt unsettled and a craving for more. The craving was for a deepening purpose in my professional life. I know that Jesus uses us right where we are and I know that He has used me to work in the lives of those I worked with. Of this I never doubted, yet there was always an underlying need to change.

As I look back, I am beginning to see that it was more than a desire for change, it is always the Holy Spirit telling me that there is more. I am familiar with the prompting of the Holy Spirit. Many times He has pushed me to do things that were hard for me! I think I am just now beginning to understand the way He shows me that there are other things He has for me to do. All too often I have allowed my flesh to drown out His vision for me with anxiety, doubt and disbelief.

In these past few months our Lord has brought me to a place of uncertainty, complete change and humility. He is bringing me closer and closer to a place where I can rest in Him completely. He is stripping away my need for control, my insecurities and my constant need to know.

This is terrifying and freeing!

Losing self is not easy, is not comfortable and is not the type of loss our flesh tell us it is. True spiritual loss give room for us to gain so much more than we could ever imagine.

I know we hear people speak of how loss is gain all the time. I know that I thought I understood that….and I think that I did to a degree…now I understand it even more and it is beautiful.

Again, it’s never comfortable! The process gives us opportunity to persevere and rely on out precious Savior. This builds faith, lifts us higher to Jesus and brings a peace that surpasses all understanding.

As I go through the process of dying to self and being built up by the Spirit, I squirm and tell Him just how much I love and hate it all at once. We need to be honest with Jesus and tell Him exactly how we feel, what we fear and then we need to let it all go. Give it to Him and allow Him to work through us in the way He desired.

This is where we find our true freedom and peace.

Giving is Difficult

Giving is essential, giving is rewarding, giving is downright difficult to do. I think people tend to believe that it should be easy to give of self, otherwise they are doing it wrong. This is not true. If you are giving and you find it to be easy, then I don’t believe you may not be giving enough or perhaps not of the right thing. I know that was true for me.

When I finally found a church that I could call home, I struggled with Tithing on a regular basis. You can read more about that in my post, I’m Sorry, How Much?? My husband and I knew that we wanted to give and we did, just sporadically and not the 10% that God asks for. I feel like this is a topic most Christians avoid due to guilt, shame and not wanting to really think about it. I still think I avoid it at times as I don’t want others to feel like the shame I once did.

There is no reason to feel that shame and guilt. Jesus died so that we could be free, so first look to Him in this and allow Him to show you where you need to go in your own personal walk. Trying to be perfect can bring about unnecessary anxiety and lengthen the struggle.

Today I would say to you that you should take some time to see where you are spiritually, emotionally and financially. Start with the 10% goal and see what that looks like for you. Get used to the number and ask Jesus to help you see just what a small percentage that really is. For my family, we took a look at all the money we were wasting on Starbucks, pizza and junk food. If we could find the money for that, why couldn’t we honor God’s command? We were in a place on understanding and conviction when we started giving. This is a much different place than the one of guilt, shame and defiance.

Jesus is all together Holy and all together Good.  He will not fail us and He does not lie. He tells us to trust Him and to take that scary leap of faith, knowing that He is right there, ready to move mountains for us. All we need to do is walk in that faith. Again, this is not easy to do, but so rewarding when we finally do it.

So, we have been tithing appropriately for some time now and it has been amazing. I don’t even give it a second thought now. The 10% that once seemed unattainable is now a weekly constant that we will not touch. That is God’s money and we will not change that. I will move other bills around when we hit those unexpected difficulties, but we will NOT move God’s portion. Without Him we have nothing and we want to honor Him in all we do. It has been a struggle at times and I can say that today it is just what needs to be done.

Now my family has come to a place where we know that God is telling us that it is time to give to the less fortunate on a regular basis. This is another area where we give “when we can” and “what we can at the time”. Honestly, that was exactly ok for the time. It was recently that Jesus has been prompting us to do more. He has been showing us that it’s time to give again and that it needs to cost us. For us, I knew that it meant the ministry in Africa that our church is doing.  We just never “got around” to setting that regular payment up….funny how that happens! 🙂

This past Sunday, my Pastor and his wife shared about their trip out to Africa and the Holy Spirit convicted us in such a way that I could no longer ignore. (hear their testimony here) How selfish and greedy with have been! There are Pastors in Africa that risk their lives to share the gospel and I have the option to be part of that each month. My family can give such a small portion of our income to support an entire family for that month. Why is it so hard to do?!

Well, today we went into our budget and made it happen. Every month we will be giving what is needed to support one Pastor and his family. We are walking where Jesus has told us to. It’s not easy. It’s hard to part with that money. My flesh cries out and swears that we cannot afford it! Jesus tells me otherwise. Today I am choosing to allow it to cost me. Today I am choosing Jesus and not allowing my selfishness to get in the way of blessing others. All we have is His and is to be used to bring Him glory and that is why I am sharing this with you today.

I want you to hear my story and to know that you are not alone in your struggle. I want you to know that when I first put the 10% tithe into our budget, I couldn’t see how we would be able to afford groceries. I want you to know that today, we still live in abundance and groceries are just fine. Our bills are paid and we are far from struggling. We are blessed Americans and are finally starting to see that. We may not be rich by our culture’s standards, but we are rich by Jesus’ standards and as compared to the true poor in this world.

Let Jesus make a change in you when if comes to your finances. It is scary, it seems uncertain and you will struggle hard. That’s ok, you’re not alone and Jesus is right there with you when you take that leap.

Thanks for listening, I love you all.