Tag Archives: fear

An Amazing Year

I sit here and ponder the last year or so of this life. The path traveled was a windy and unexpected one. I left the field of hospice care and accepted a position offered to me that I clearly saw Your hand in. I knew for a fact that You meant for me to take that position, even though it meant leaving a field I had spent eight years in. It meant leaving a company I working with from the day they opened their doors here in CT. It meant walking away from the known and into the unknown. So I did, knowing that You had a plan and this was just a step towards something. I took that position, knowing that it would not be a position I would be in forever. It was scary, exciting and freeing in so many ways. The job was great, I was able to work from home and that allowed me to be there each morning to get my kids on the bus. It meant I no longer stressed on snow days, delays and when sickness hit. It allowed me to flex my time and get more involved in my church. It was great.

After working in this new place for six months, layoffs began and I knew that my position would be one of them. I began to apply to some jobs I found I qualified for, but I hated the thought of having to give up my work at the church and my flexibility around my family. Then I lost my job. I was let go during the second wave of layoffs and went on unemployment. The only other time I have ever been on unemployment was ten years ago. It was a shock and yet I heard You telling me that this was all part of Your plan. You told me to trust You and I did. Between the pay I received “in lieu of notice” and the unemployment, we never skipped a beat financially. You just kept on providing. I was blown away each time. I adjusted my budget and saw the negatives glowing red. It brought me anxiety and instead of panicking, I rested on Your promises and handed them over to You. Our finances are not our own, they are Yours and I knew You would ensure that we were taken care of. I was blown away, week by week. You met us in those places of uncertainty every time. I am so blessed to see You move in my life. I am still amazed as I write about it.

The layoff came just three days before my step-daughters were coming to stay for the summer. I was able to be present. I was able to do more around my house and that allowed my husband to do less as he worked a ton of over-time. The over-time that was not supposed to be, the over-time that You provided. The over-time that filled those red spaces in our budget. As we walked in faith, You filled the gaps. We walked knowing that You were there and that You were working, but not knowing how. It is so freeing to be in that place once you let go of the fear.

As I continued to try to pick up more side jobs and applied to other “real jobs”, I was never called in for an interview. This is a first for me! I have always worked and have never had trouble finding a job. I took this to be You telling me that I was to continue to do what I was doing at the church I loved and with the family I adored. I kept walking blindly, just knowing in my heart that this was all going to be great. I also had moments of complete anxiety and fear, those became fewer and fewer. You brought me to a place of immense peace. You reminded me that I have always desired for more and that You were bringing me to that place. You reminded me that what seems like less to the world is so much more to You.

As my professional world lessened, my husband’s expanded. As I had more time to give, I gave it to the church I adore. I was able to serve the people there and use the skills You have given me through time. I never really thought I was “good enough” to serve as a volunteer coordinator at any church, yet my heart has desired it for so long. Here I was, volunteer coordinator at Your church. Crazy. Seriously. I knew I wanted it, but there was always this part that whispered to me of how unqualified I was. There was this part of me that didn’t think I deserved it. I mean, I don’t. The thing is, none of that matters. I knew God was calling me to a different place and I followed and just kept giving Him all my worries and doubts. He is so kind and gentle, He would remind me of who He is and what He was calling me to in so many ways. He used His people to speak just the right words at just the right time and blew me away every time.

As we approached the end of the year, so came the end of my unemployment. I was unsuccessful in finding a job that would offer what I needed to continue my work at the church and allow me to be available for my kids in the same manner that I have been. So now I am working at Your church part-time as I was able to grow into this position You called me to. You gave me this space and told me what to do with it. It was frightening, completely different from anything I have ever done before, yet I just knew that it was exactly where You wanted me.

So now I start a new year as a part-time volunteer coordinator in Your church, I am still with my kids before and after school, I am tending to my home more than I was ever able to before. There has been this huge shift in my life, but everyone here is happy and things haven’t really changed all that much. It’s difficult to explain. Walking in faith is hard, it’s a struggle. There is no easy way to follow You blindly, oh but the rewards are great. The things You have brought me through have hit my core. You have truly transformed this soul in ways that I couldn’t even begin to explain. The peace, the joy, the healing and the light that You have brought in this life are amazing.

I sit here in amazement of You. The path You have brought me through still boggles my mind. To know that so much more is still unseen is impossible to comprehend. Your vast love and kindness must never be forgotten. The freedom You have provided me is incomprehensible, yet I know I only taste a small portion of it. I know I have struggles to go through still and that each brings me closer to You. Each trial offers true strength, true peace, and unspeakable love. The weight being lifted, the pain I hardly know knew was there. Even as I struggle physically, my Soul shines brightly. The enemy may slow me down from time to time, but You’re always there. You lift me up, You patiently wait and You never waver.

To know that You truly want me to be happy, that walking in the way You asked me to would seem so irresponsible to me, yet brought such miracles. How I blindly followed You and it brought me to a place that I cannot describe. My words fail, but my heart sings to You. My gratitude pours out of me. You’ve met me at every step and I know that You always will.

Thank You Lord

Day 7 – Trust

Do you trust in all that you see, hear and feel? I believe I do at times. Other times I begin to see that it is all so temporary and always changing.

15 “For we are sojourners before You, and tenants, as all our fathers were; our days on the earth are like a shadow, and there is no hope. 16 “O LORD our God, all this abundance that we have provided to build You a house for Your holy name, it is from Your hand, and all is Yours. – 1 Chronicles 29:15-16

Today I am reminded to keep my eyes on eternity and not to be too distracted by the world around me. This will all fade away and be a distant memory. This is how I should be living every day.

I have been in a place of uncertainty and sadness these past few weeks. I have been wondering, wandering and struggling to understand. I know that God is at work and the He will never allow me to be brought anywhere other than where I am meant to be, but it has still been hard.

Tonight I was reminded that He is in control. He is so faithful and has brought all these “coincidence”s before me as a way of showing me that He is right there. This I know for sure. Today is the first day in a while that I have felt that peace sweeping over me. I was allowing anxiety to creep in where it does not belong.

I cannot say for sure that I will not be anxious over this again, but I can say that right now I am so thankful that Jesus is there for me. I am blown away by the way things all line up and point to Him. The timing of all things at once, from places that don’t seem to connect, and they all point to Him being in control.

My place in all this is to be obedient. Look for the work that is being done and trust in all the unknowns. Trust. Trust in the one who is eternal, not in the temporary things that are of this world. We are only passing through. This is not where we will land. This is not the end. This is the beginning.

Will I choose to get wrapped up and emotional over the things that will no longer be in the blink of an eye? No, I will choose to look past it all and see the bigger picture. I am a citizen of Heaven and a child of the Almighty Creator, the great I AM. He is for me in all things. He has protected me and guided me through so many things, how could I even think that He would not be in something so important to me?

His will is my focus. His plans are my desires. I crave to be lead by His Spirit, so why am I worried in the least?

Today I choose to trust more deeply. Today I choose to be thankful for the struggle so that I can grow in ways not possible otherwise. I lift it all up and lay it at the His feet. My Lord will always work my life to bring Him Glory and that is all that matters.

Five Hundred Words – day 1

Five Hundred Words Starts Today

Today is the day that I begin to write five hundred words a day. Why would I do this you ask? Well I am a writer. This is something I have enjoyed all my life. This is how I best express myself. This is where my heart opens and my spirit flows.

Through my days I have had times of writing fervently day after day and sharing with all that would take the time to read. There have also been times where I have not written for what has felt like forever. Writing has always allowed me to be me.

I have written in notebooks, published poems and have written many a blog. Over a year ago I settled on this blog and promised myself that I would not let this one go. I have chosen to share my walk and want to be transparent. My hope has always been to build a community where we can all see that we all struggle and that we are not alone. I want to be a testament to the work that Jesus can accomplish is a stubborn, over analytical mess like me.

Some weeks I post a lot, some weeks I don’t post anything at all.. I find that I have no real rhythm to my writing and want that to change. Writing stirs up emotion, gets my juices flowing, and allows me to connect with the Holy Spirit as I open myself up to Him. It’s a bonus that people read what I write and get something out of it. I am so thrilled when I hear that the words I sent out into the world made some small difference in someone’s day. I want Jesus to speak through me. I want others to know that they are not alone. We all struggle and we all need to lean on each other.

So why one thousand words a day? Well, I heard a write say that he makes it a point to write one thousand word each day, no matter what. His words stuck with me for some time now and I am going to attempt something similar. I will begin with five hundred words as a goal and see how it goes. I don’t want to set myself up for failure and think this is a fair place to begin.

Some days I hope that the writing will be Scripture inspired and filled with the Spirit. I cannot promise that this will always be the case. The goal is to get myself into the habit of exercising my passion each day and allow it to become a healthy habit. I have decided to post each day on this blog as a way to be accountable. I was not going to do this right away, I fear I will fail. I also know that I cannot allow fear to rule my decisions and so I am posting my first attempt right now. When something comes up over and over again, I have learned to follow and see where it goes.

I thank you all for being on this journey with me and would love to hear from you. What is your passion? What makes you feel alive and connected? Do you make time for it each day?

 

My prayer for today

Lord, I want to see You, feel You and hear You in my heart. Each day I long to know You more. No one truly knows me like You do and yet You seem to be the one I try to hide from at my lowest times. It’s as if I am ashamed of my lowest moments and yet you are right there with me. You not only hear me, You know the word of my heart long before they are known to me. This I can rest in.

You are almighty, You are our Creator, You are all together good, You are full of love, grace and mercy.

I am Yours. You created me. You knew me before I took my first breath in this world. You lay my path before me and I struggle to see it so many times. You know that too.

You have held me close in my darkest moments, even when I thought myself a full blown enemy of Yours.

Why?

Why do You love me so much when I often think myself unlovable? Why do You bring such beauty and such blessings to me when I know I don’t deserve them? How can You look upon this soul with loving kindness? How can You forget all that I have done?

I am Yours. I am a child of the Almighty God and I can find my strength in that. I pray that I can see myself the way that You see me. I want to forgive myself as You have forgiven me. I want to see the beauty that is possible as You do. I want to walk in Your footsteps in all things. I want to be content with where I am, knowing that You have a much bigger plan than I can even begin to imagine.

I rest in You Lord. I love in You. You are all that matters. You are my peace and that is all that matters. Let the world melt away, let my uncertainties melt away. Let the stress fade away into the background as I gaze upon Your beauty. Fill me with Your mighty Spirit, guard me against the attacks on my enemy and build me up as I stumble.

My words fall short of the craving in my soul, but I know that You know my desires better than I. Mt heart cries out to You and I pray that You hear me as I lay it all down before Your throne.

Thank You for being the merciful God that You are. Thank You for never leaving me. Thank You for all the beauty, blessings and family that You have so freely given me. Thank You for saving me, thank You for loving me and thank You for all the work You are continuing to do in this life. You are amazing and I would be lost without You.

I pray these things in the precious name of Jesus. Amen.

Proverbs Study Day 10

Welcome to day 10 of Proverbs. I am excited to hear what God has to tell us today!

Proverbs 10
The Proverbs of Solomon
The proverbs of Solomon: A wise child brings joy to a father; a foolish child brings grief to a mother. Tainted wealth has no lasting value, but right living can save your life. The lord will not let the godly go hungry, but he refuses to satisfy the craving of the wicked. Lazy people are soon poor; hard workers get rich. A wise youth harvests in the summer, but one who sleeps during harvest is a disgrace. The godly are showered with blessings; the words of the wicked conceal violent intentions. We have happy memories of the godly, but the name of a wicked person rots away. The wise are glad to be instructed, but babbling fools fall flat on their faces. People with integrity walk safely, but those who follow crooked paths will be exposed.
People who wink at wrong cause trouble, but a bold reproof promotes peace. The words of the godly are a life-giving mountain; the words of the wicked conceal violent intentions. Hatred stirs up quarrels, but love makes up for all offenses. Wise words come from the lips of people with understanding, but those lacking sense will be beaten with a rod.
Wise people treasure knowledge, but the babbling of a fool invites disaster. The wealth of the rich is their fortress; the poverty of the poor is their destruction. The earnings of the godly enhance their lives, but evil people squander their money on sin. People who accept discipline are on the pathway to life, but those who ignore correction will go astray. Hiding hatred makes you a liar; slandering others makes you a fool. Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut. The words of the godly are like sterling silver; the heart of a fool is worthless. The words of the godly encourage many, but fools are destroyed by their lack of common sense. The blessing of the lord makes a person rich, and he adds no sorrow with it.
Doing wrong is fun for a fool, but living wisely brings pleasure to the sensible. The fears of the wicked will be fulfilled; the hopes of the godly will be granted. When the storms of life come, the wicked are whirled away, but the godly have a lasting foundation. Lazy people irritate their employers, like vinegar to the teeth or smoke in the eyes. Fear of the lord lengthens one’s life, but the years of the wicked are cut short. The hopes of the godly result in happiness, but the expectations of the wicked come to nothing. The way of the lord is a stronghold to those with integrity, but it destroys the wicked. The godly will never be disturbed, but the wicked will be removed from the land. The mouth of the godly person gives wise advice, but the tongue that deceives will be cut off. The lips of the godly speak helpful words, but the mouth of the wicked speaks perverse words.

What have I taken away from this chapter today:
What strikes me the most today is that this chapter repeats the idea that the mouth of a godly person gives wise advice and wise words. Now, calling myself a godly woman has always been difficult, as I feel completely unqualified and that I fall way short. However, I can say that as I go throughout my day and when I sit here to write, I am relying on God to work through me. As I write, speak and listen, I am always hoping that there is an opportunity to bring something useful to another person. I desire to see God working in this life and just know that He will use me if I allow Him to.
I have always enjoyed writing and have always been insecure in it. When starting this blog, I struggled with publishing it and sharing. God was telling me that it was needed. My heart was telling me that we all need to share more with each other and that we are not alone in our struggles.
I look to bring joy to Jesus and to His children He brings along my path. Even if the words I publish bring a small comfort to just one person, I am happy. I don’t need to know that an impact is made. I only need to know where my heart is when I am writing and to have faith that it goes where it is needed.
I feel that I am showered with blessing each and every day. I am so imperfect and often cannot bear myself when I am in a bad place. We are all human and no one can be expected to reach the standard that Jesus met. I am glad to be instructed by my Lord and am glad to share those experiences with you all. I hope and pray that His word reaches your heart today.
My prayer for today:
Lord, hear my cry for You. My heart thirsts for You. Use me Lord, shine through me and work in my life. I pray that the people You bring to me are impacted by Your power and the transformations they see taking place. I thank You for Your Word and Your unending and underserved Grace. In the precious name of Jesus Christ, I pray these things.

Miracles

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” – Joshua 1:9

A man once said that all the miracles that have taken place in the Bible have one thing in common, they were in response to a problem. We all have problems, being a Christian does not make us exempt. Quite the contrary, it can open us up to even more. Being a Christian also allows us to experience miracles in response to those problems that arise.

“Trust in the LORD with all you heart; and lean not on your own understanding.” – Proverbs 3:5-6

Walking through this life on earth can be so tiring at times. The storms around us can become fierce and I know that I can find myself seeking to find shelter and struggle to keep my eyes on the only true shelter. My flesh screams out for me to turn to things of this world when my Soul cries out to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

“Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” – Hebrews 13:5

I do trust! Even when I am feeling tattered from the pressures of this life, I trust that the Lord is in control and will not forsake me. I know that every single person that breathes, has struggles. In these moments, the Spirit is with us. He meets us in these places and this is where those miracles happen. If I am not experiencing a problem that seems impossible to overcome, then how will I experience the Lord moving? I will not.

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” – Isaiah 41:10

When I choose to be content with what the Lord provides, I am acknowledging that He is in control. I struggle with control quite a bit and don’t even realize it most of the time. I am not in control. Alone I am powerless and at the mercy of circumstances. In Jesus I am protected and cared for beyond measure. I am a child of God and need not worry or want for anything. In Him I find my strength.

“So that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love,” – Ephesians 3:17

I am human, I walk this land in this body made of flesh and experiences stressors all the same. Unexpected trials and speed bumps come up out of nowhere it seems. My emotions respond and I grow tired. I am grateful that I have a strong foundation and can stand or lie down on this foundation in full knowledge that miracles occur every day. I am rooted in the knowledge that God is moving in every moment of this life given. As trials come to be, I have a choice, I can allow my faith to grow in this knowledge or I can succumb to the pressures of this world. I choose to lean on my Lord in faith and to wait and watch the work He performs. In my struggles, I need to leave the space God needs to perform the beautiful miracles I long for. If I don’t step back, I am not allowing Him to step in.

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?[g] 28 And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, 29 yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. 34 “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.“- Matthew 6:25-34

Thank you Jesus for walking with my in all my days and for taking care of me in all things.

Where have you been?

Almost an entire month without coming on here to write and I am not entirely sure why.

The past month has been quite interesting on many levels. I have searched some deep places of myself and faced quite a huge piece of my past hurts. This pain was buried long ago and was a much shallower grave than I thought. God is good and was with me on this journey along with a beloved sister.

We laughed, we cried, we fought the urge to run away. We were reminded to rest on God’s word and to see that He loves me despite it all.

I was obedient and shared when I felt it was time to share. I went to our meeting each week and didn’t cancel even when I knew it was going to be hard. I allowed God to do the work that needed to be done and walked away a better person than when we began.

I gained depth, perspective and peace in a short time. The best part is that I know this is just the beginning. I have many wounds that our Lord has healed in me over the years, but this is a much older and deeper wound than I have ever faced.

I will delve in more as I continue this journey and thank you all who have walked by my side through it. It’s amazing what change can transpire in a few weeks time when you allow it.

Through this process I feel like my marriage has deepened, my relationship with God has grown, my relationship with my fellow Christians has grown, my relationship with my children has deepened, and so much more than I can even put into words.

Today I tell you that no matter what you have done or are currently doing, God still loves you. That no matter how far you think you have fallen, it’s never too far. Healing can take place, this I promise you. It may be the hardest thing you ever do in your life, but it CAN happen.

Lean on the Lord, be real, be honest, face the abyss that you try hide within. You will be amazed at all the aspect of your life that will be changed. As I began to face the pain and shame I have held inside for so long I began to see how every single aspect of my life was effected by the festering wound.

You cannot run away from your past, you cannot cover up pain, you have to face it and work through it. You will be so happy that you did!

Doing Good to All

Galatians 6:1-10

New International Version (NIV)

Doing Good to All

Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load. Nevertheless, the one who receives instruction in the word should share all good things with their instructor.

Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. 10 Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.

As I read this portion of scripture, I can feel the pain that sin can bring into our lives. I have a heart for those that are facing that sin in their lives while having to deal with judgment from fellow believers. We are not to condone sin, we are not to brush it off as no big deal, we are commanded to come along side and to restore gently.

Who I am to pass judgment? Where does God command me to do so? He does not. I can list so many struggles I have in my own life that can easily overcome if I step out of God’s will  for just a moment. How many times have I lashed out from a place of sin and the pain that comes with it? Is it not hard enough dealing with the repercussions that follow my poor choices? Does God not warn us of this?

Matthew 7

New International Version (NIV)

Judging Others

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

Brothers and sisters, I take this time to remind us all that we need to be forgiving. We need to allow our Lord to change this hearts, to love as He loves and to forgive as He forgives. Is His grace not sufficient? Do I deserve His love? Did He deserve the wrath He accepted on all of our behalves?

Stop. Take a moment, pray, and gain perspective. Not one of us deserves this life, but our loving God gave it to us anyway. Who are we to pass judgment and condemn others for their sins? Who am I? I am a sinner who struggles to keep my eyes off self and to keep them on my Lord and Savior. I know that I have a very real enemy that is ever lurking and waiting to pounce the very moment I blink. None of us are exempt. We all fall short. Let us join in this together and ease the burden.

Today I pray for you right where you are and in whatever struggles you may be in.

He created this life anyway

Psalm 139: 1-18

For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.

You have searched me, Lord,
    and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
    you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
    you, Lord, know it completely.
You hem me in behind and before,
    and you lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit?
    Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
    if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
    your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
    and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
    the night will shine like the day,
    for darkness is as light to you.

13 For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
    they would outnumber the grains of sand—
    when I awake, I am still with you.

I once mentioned that I have been going through a time in my life where God has shown me that I have deeply buried guilt and shame that I never dealt with. I have been on this journey for several weeks and have been amazed at the amount of space these past traumas have been taking up in my life. I am still just scrapping the surface of this pain and am already feeling God’s love and peace seeping in even more as He delivers me from this pain.

As I was reading this Psalm, I was overcome with such a peace and calm in the knowledge that my God knew all the terrible things I would do in this life long before I was conceived. He knew that I would leave trail of tears and wretchedness behind me. He knew how long it would take before I would turn to Him and recognize Him for the loving, healing, all-knowing God that He is. He knew and choose to let me walk this earth anyway. He knew and allowed this life to be. He knew and was by my side through it all, even when I had my back turned to Him.

How amazing is that? How crazy is it to think that I can be so hard on myself for past and present struggles and to know that God knew then, He knows now, and He knows more than I could ever even imagine.

I am a wretched person, I am unworthy and unqualified. God chose me anyway. I am humbled by this and so full of joy as I ponder this. He chose each and every one of us before we were conceived. There are no mistakes, we are all purposely placed in this world, in this very place and time. He has a plan for our lives. He knows that despite all the wrongs we do in this world, He can still use us to glorify His Kingdom if we will only allow Him to do so.

Today I urge you all to take a moment to pause and really ponder this fact. God knows you, He knew you before you were created. He knew all the terrible things you would do and chose you anyway. Turn from your sins and allow Jesus’ work to penetrate your life. LET HIM IN. Let the past go. Turn, repent, pray for deliverance and surrender your soul to the One who created you. Let Him fill you with His peace, accept the grace He offers us all.

I love you all and pray that you all see just how much God loves you at this very moment, despite all the things we allow to get in the way.

Faithful Servant

I have wasted so much time in my life comparing myself to others….I still do and have to redirect my thoughts often. What good does that do? None. It is detrimental really. When I spend more time comparing myself to others and counting all my faults, I am doing myself and God a disservice. I am wasting time and allowing the darkness to keep me distracted from where God wants me to be.

John 12:26 ESV If anyone serves me, he must follow me; and where I am, there will my servant be also. If anyone serves me, the Father will honor him.

How can I follow Jesus when I am not keeping my eyes on Him? How can I honor God and be honored by Him when I am taking my eyes off the prize, His glory? I cannot.

God has been doing a great work in me and teaching me how to take myself out of the equation. (I feel we will be working on this for a long time lol) When I obey Him, silence my tongue and wait for Him, amazing things happen. I get to sit back and watch Him work. I can see Him stirring in another and I am giving them the opportunity to hear Him rather than me. When I look at a brother or sister in Christ with love rather than to compare “how much better they are” I find the blessings begin pour out. Relationships deepen. Hardened hearts begin to soften. Truly amazing.

Colossians 3:12 ESV Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience,

These things listed here are so hard for me to put into practice. My natural reactions can be quite the opposite. Yet, those moments when I obey and approach life in the way God commands me to…well, things are so much better! Which is why He commands us…so simple, yet so difficult!

So I walk in faith, grace and love. I remind myself that we are all made with a purpose and to compare myself to another will never bring any good to any situation. God has a purpose for me. He made me the crazy woman I am to bring Him glory. I am learning to forgive myself as God has forgiven me, to move forward and not look back with remorse but with joy. I can find joy and pleasure in how far Jesus has brought me. I can walk in the path He has given me and know that no matter what, it will all work out as He has designed it to. I don’t need to know it all, I don’t need to fix it all. I only need to keep my eyes on Jesus and allow Him to lead the way. When I get ahead of myself, and ahead of Him, I lose my way.

Patience.

Prayer.

Reaching out in fellowship.

Waiting on the Lord’s answer.

These are the things I need to remind myself of constantly. He has never let me down and has brought me to amazing places when I have let go.

 

I will close with a portion of a song that has been touching my heart deeply.

Why do I try to work outside of You?
Knocking down doors I shouldn’t be going through
But I’m so tired, I’m so tired
You take my burdens off of my shoulders
You break the lies that hold me back
I’m not sure enough

You’re my revival song, You start where I belong
On my knees, on my knees
When I am weak You’re strong, You meet me here
When I’m on my knees, on my knees
Yeah, it starts with me

I really wanna change the world
I really wanna sing Your song
But I know revival’s got to start with me
I really wanna change the world
I really wanna sing Your song
But I know revival’s got to start with me

– Tim Timmons, Starts with Me

We belong on our knees before our one and true God….that is where the magic happens!