Tag Archives: joy

Dear Jesus 12/9/2015

Dearest Jesus,

Will you ever cease to amaze me? The promises you write on my heart seem so far fetched to a wreck like me. The deep transformations that have taken place, the healing that continues day to day, and the hurts from long ago being used to bring others to those places of healing. Words truly cannot give the magnitude of Your love justice. I hear words coming out of my mouth that sound so cliche and I know I once would have rolled my eyes at such things. The thing is, that there are no other ways to try to explain the things going on in my heart, in my life, in the lives around me.

Although I may seem young in years to some, I have lived a long life full of pain, destruction, and anxiety. The depth of that pain and devastation is still unknown to me as I have only just begun to see how far and wide they have reached in me. The dysfunction and darkness that wrapped itself around me as far back as I can remember no longer have a hold on me. Today, I can say that I am free. This has only come through the Grace and Mercy given so freely by my Lord, Jesus Christ. Trust me, I have tried many other ways.

Therapy, self-help, self-medication and denial only brought me to a point of being able to mask my pain easily. This I can see so clearly now. All things I tried before lacked an essential ingredient, God’s love. Without the Holy Spirit working in me, all else is pointless. Christ has a way of opening those places I shut down so long ago, He enters those places to bring light and healing beyond anything I could have ever hoped for. Nothing else could bring me to this place. The funny thing is, I know I still have so much further to go!

I share this with you all as a testament to the power that is available to every single human being on this planet. Don’t start thinking about all the people that are not worthy, don’t start thinking about all the ways that you are unworthy, just settle on the fact that Jesus loves you anyway. Let your heart hear that. Jesus loves you. He is not temperamental and He doesn’t expect you to get it together before you come to Him. He literally wants you to come to Him as you are. Right now, this very moment. Go to Him and let Him show you, true love. Let Him show you that You are His and always have been, always will be. He is loving you right this very moment, even if you are in a place of denying His existence, even if You hate Him. How we feel and how we respond to Him will never change how He loves us. The only requirement is that we turn to Him and accept it.

Let Him love you, let Him heal you, allow Him into those places full of pain, anxiety and darkness. There is no point in hiding, He knows us all better than we know ourselves. His love is a true love that we will never know or understand completely. The depths of His truly unconditional love are eternal. Take that step into the love that is waiting for you. Yes, you. He is calling you this very moment and all you have to do is answer. Turn to Him and accept the gift He brings. Know that your life has a purpose beyond what you could ever imagine.

Freedom comes when I accept Jesus into my life and begin to walk in the purpose He designed for my life long before the creation of the very world we live in. I only need to accept the gift He offers to all. I have to acknowledge that His grace is sufficient and that I could never earn that. This is not a life of doing this and not doing that. This is a life of acceptance, peace, love and life. The life full of guilt, shame, pain and trying to measure up is exhausting and fake. True life begins in Jesus. If a wretch like me, a woman that detested Christianity and all I stood for, can find Jesus then I know you can too.

Lord, I thank You for the forgiveness You offer to anyone that will accept it. I thank You that You do not require anything more from us, but present us with opportunities to change the world around us in Your name. You allow us to touch lives in ways that blow me away. You are merciful and loving. You truly take the unqualified of this world and use us to bring others to a life full of freedom. A freedom that cannot be explained, but only experienced. A freedom that cannot be intellectualized, but must be heard by the heart. I pray that whoever reads this today will stop and look to You. I pray that they will ask You to show them Your love in the midst of wherever they are right now. Pierce their core, soften their hearts and pour into them, Lord. In Jesus’ precious name I pray these things. Amen.

Dear Jesus 10/3/15

Dear loving, kind, gentle and patient Jesus,

I first want to thank You for Your kindness, You have been by my side through so much and just wait for me to see things your way. How patient You are! Not once have you rushed me, pressured me or lefts me in frustration of the stupid things I do. I can only hope that I can learn to give others a fraction of the grace and mercy You give us all. My heart is filled with joy, happiness and appreciation as I type this. The words I can use to describe the depths of my gratitude can’t even come close to the emotion I feel when I think of all You have done, are doing right now and all the plans You have for my future. I am Yours.

You have created me on purpose and with purpose, of this I can never lose sight. Oh how easy it is to look focus on this when the storms of life hit. How I must rely on my faith, buried deep in my heart, when I cannot see You clearly. It has taken time for me to learn and trust that I can simply close my eyes and follow Your lead in these times. I don’t have to get lost in the messes of this life, I don’t have to focus on all my shortcomings. In fact You tell me NOT to focus on all these things, look past them and look to Your loving face. Always near, always ready, always with purpose. I am never lost. You always know right where I am and why. When things are unclear I can rest easy on the fact that they are always crystal clear to You. The more I learn this, the more I can feel that peace that surpasses all understanding. The lighter I feel, the deeper I feel, the easier this walk becomes. Thank You.

Recently I was in a place where I couldn’t understand another person’s dislike for me. Why do they have to make those snide comments that feel like paper-cuts. They are shallow, small and they burn. I was angry at one point, but did not react so. I can thank You for that. You have changed this heart of mine and it surprised me how far we have come together. The transformation that has taken place in this life is amazing. All I can do at times is to sit in complete awe of who I have begun to be in You. Who am I that You would take such interests and to invest such power and transformation in?

As I meditated on my feelings and this person, You began to show me just how hardened their heart is and how far from You they are. Then an amazing thing happened! For the first time, I felt sadness for this person. I was moved to praying for them to find You as I have. My heart began to ache as I am sure Yours does too. A child of Yours that chooses to turn against You and to live in a place of darkness, oh how that must cause You pain. A life that You crafted to be a things of beauty and light. Will they turn to You before they find their life ending? Will they find that You have loved them all along and have been waiting for the day that they turn back to You? How my anger and frustration melted away and was replaced with sadness and hope. How my heart aches for them to get a glimpse of Your magnificence and for them to never be the same.

I too was lost and my heart was also hardened against You. All I can do is share my life, my heart and the amazing transformation that has taken place in me. I can be a testament to the power You are so willing to place in us. How You will never force us to come back to You and that You never forget us. No matter how far we have fallen, when we turn around You are right there, ready to catch us.

For these things I praise you Lord. Thank You.  

Day 9 – Beginning and End

Part of a song we have been singing in worship has been on my heart.

You, you are my first, You are my last, You are my future and my past…..

…You are the beginning and the end

I find myself humming and singing these words without even realizing it half the time. This morning it resonated deep within. Jesus, You are the beginning and the end of all things. You were here before the creation of the world and You will continue to be after it is not more. These are facts that I can rest on. This brings me comfort.

More than that, You are the beginning and the end of all things in my life. When I face a trial, I bring it to You first. I lay it before You and ask for Your guidance and protection. Generally, I get lost in the middle somewhere. I being to lose focus of where I am going, I struggle to not allow the anxiety to swallow me up, I cling to You. At the end of it all I know that You were there all along, that You are still there and I give You all the glory. At the end I am falling on my knees in thanksgiving and praise.

You are the first and the last. You surround me. Nothing can get in the way of You, Lord.

Many think that making Jesus your everything diminishes the other relationships in your life, this is not the case. Jesus magnifies and deepens everything, especially relationships.

My life was a shallow one compared to how I live today. Jesus has a way of peeling away layers that you didn’t even know were there. He is faithful, He is transforming and He is beautiful. When You invite Him in, You gain access to all that He is and there are no words to describe the power in that.

Christianity gets a bad wrap and for some good reasons. I would say that you cannot judge all the followers of Jesus based on those that chose to abuse His name. This applies to all cultures and races. I know that I once attacked the Christian faith and am so glad that Jesus loved me through it all. I am so happy that I gave Him a chance, that I walked into that church all those years ago. I am so thankful that I swallowed my pride and embraced His forgiveness.

I am still me and that will never change. I am flawed, I am a wreck and I have a long road ahead of me, but I have a peace that I have never experienced before. Jesus brings such contentment, such love and compassion that it is impossible not to pass that along to the people in your life. As you deepen your walk with our mighty Creator, you automatically deepen your relationship with the world around you. As Jesus transforms your heart, you no longer are capable of indifference and selfishness to the degree you once were. The key is allowing Him in to bring about that transformation. Only you can get in the way.

 

Today I Pray

Today I pray for me

Today I bring myself before You and ask that You uproot the sin that is wrapped so deep within. I am reminded that it is there when it creeps out in those weak moments and I hate it so.

I am not really aware of what I need to let go of now, but I do know that You will show me if I would only let You. Only I can release this garbage that lays below the surface, but I don`t know how. I don`t know where. I beg for You to show me. I pray that I be still long enough to hear and see where the works needs to take place.

I trust You. You are so good to me, more than I deserve. You have walked me through such places before and I came out a lighter, kinder and healthier me. I fear nothing for You are everything.

Digging deeper is painful, messy and exhausting, but it is worth it and I am ready. I lay it all down at Your feet, Jesus. You know exactly what I need, You know exactly what lies deep within me, You are able to heal those dark places and I surrender them to You.

I choose to release the guilt, the shame and the anger that has been festering. Not only are these feelings useless, but they take up much more space than I am even aware of. This space could be filled with love, peace and kindess. These spaces are meant to be filled with You.

I pray that You forgive me for holding onto these wounds  for so long. I pray that You would forgive my anxieties and unbelief, my mistrust. That`s really what it is, isn`t it? My lack off faith keeps my from giving it all up. My lack of trust, my fear of facing what lie in that deep, dark well of past pains.

I have seen and done horrible things in my short time on this earth, but You have loved me through it all. Thank You. Thank You for not giving up on me, even when I did. I am Yours and that is all that matters. I have made all that ammendsamends that I can make and will do so again if the opportunity comes, now it is time to release it all. Now it is time to get back to who I am meant to be.

I want to shed this heavy cloak of guilt, shame and uncertainty. I want to live in the freedom You have so graciously given me. I want to walk light, peacefully and confident in all that You offer. Today I invite You into the places that hold me down. Today I pray for me and know that You will always show up for me.

Proverbs Study Day 11

Proverbs 10 really resonated deep in my heart and made me think about a lot of things. I am excited to jump into chapter 11 today! How has this been speaking to your heart?


Proverbs 11
The lord detests the use of dishonest scales, but he delights in accurate weights. Pride leads to disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Honesty guides good people; dishonesty destroys treacherous people. Riches won’t help on the day of judgment, but right living can save you from death. The godly are directed by honesty; the wicked fall beneath their load of sin. The godliness of good people rescues them; the ambition of treacherous people traps them. When the wicked die, their hopes die with them, for they rely on their own feeble strength. The godly are rescued from trouble, and it falls on the wicked instead. With their words, the godless destroy their friends, but knowledge will rescue the righteous. The whole city celebrates when the godly succeed; they shout for joy when the wicked die. Upright citizens are good for a city and make it prosper, but the talk of the wicked tears it apart. It is foolish to belittle one’s neighbor; a sensible person keeps quiet. A gossip goes around telling secrets, but those who are trustworthy can keep a confidence. Without wise leadership, a nation falls; there is safety in having many advisers. There’s danger in putting up security for a stranger’s debt; it’s safer not to guarantee another person’s debt. A gracious woman gains respect, but ruthless men gain only wealth. Your kindness will reward you,
but your cruelty will destroy you. Evil people get rich for the moment, but the reward of the godly will last. Godly people find life; evil people find death. The lord detests people with crooked hearts, but he delights in those with integrity. Evil people will surely be punished, but the children of the godly will go free. A beautiful woman who lacks discretion is like a gold ring in a pig’s snout. The godly can look forward to a reward, while the wicked can expect only judgment. Give freely and become more wealthy; be stingy and lose everything. The generous will prosper; those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed. People curse those who hoard their grain, but they bless the one who sells in time of need. If you search for good, you will find favor; but if you search for evil, it will find you! Trust in your money and down you go! But the godly flourish like leaves in spring. Those who bring trouble on their families inherit the wind. The fool will be a servant to the wise. The seeds of good deeds become a tree of life; a wise person wins friends. If the righteous are rewarded here on earth, what will happen to wicked sinners?

What have I taken away from this chapter today:
“Your kindness will reward you, but your cruelty will destroy you. Evil people get rich for the moment, but the reward of the godly will last.” This can be difficult to remember in the midst of the storms. This also caused me to think about the fact that we are rewarded here on earth, but that we need to keep our eyes on eternity. Life here is not meant to be easy. We live in a place where sin has entered and Satan wanders. If we can experience blessings, joy and happiness here, can you imagine how much more it will be so in heaven?
As we come against the wicked people of this world, we must keep Jesus in our hearts and rely on the Spirit to work through us. We must shine wherever our Lord asks us to. He can use us if we allow Him to. Walk in His ways and you will walk straight. Look not to cause trouble, but to bring peace and to be kind. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and you will never be danger. Tempting as it may be, don’t allow yourself to react to the wicked in the same manner they approach you. Don’t think that they are successful in their dishonest ways. We have an eternal life before us and our treasure is being stored in heaven. Rest easy in that.
My prayer for today:
Jesus, I just want to thank You for all You love, peace and kindness. You amaze me. I ask that you work in this life and that I shine before the wicked. I pray that I be an instrument and that I can bring peace and truth to those struggling. I pray that You fuel me each day and protect my path as I walk this journey laid before me. I thank You for Your Word and pray that it soaks to my very core. In the precious name of Jesus I pray.

Proverbs Study Day 10

Welcome to day 10 of Proverbs. I am excited to hear what God has to tell us today!

Proverbs 10
The Proverbs of Solomon
The proverbs of Solomon: A wise child brings joy to a father; a foolish child brings grief to a mother. Tainted wealth has no lasting value, but right living can save your life. The lord will not let the godly go hungry, but he refuses to satisfy the craving of the wicked. Lazy people are soon poor; hard workers get rich. A wise youth harvests in the summer, but one who sleeps during harvest is a disgrace. The godly are showered with blessings; the words of the wicked conceal violent intentions. We have happy memories of the godly, but the name of a wicked person rots away. The wise are glad to be instructed, but babbling fools fall flat on their faces. People with integrity walk safely, but those who follow crooked paths will be exposed.
People who wink at wrong cause trouble, but a bold reproof promotes peace. The words of the godly are a life-giving mountain; the words of the wicked conceal violent intentions. Hatred stirs up quarrels, but love makes up for all offenses. Wise words come from the lips of people with understanding, but those lacking sense will be beaten with a rod.
Wise people treasure knowledge, but the babbling of a fool invites disaster. The wealth of the rich is their fortress; the poverty of the poor is their destruction. The earnings of the godly enhance their lives, but evil people squander their money on sin. People who accept discipline are on the pathway to life, but those who ignore correction will go astray. Hiding hatred makes you a liar; slandering others makes you a fool. Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut. The words of the godly are like sterling silver; the heart of a fool is worthless. The words of the godly encourage many, but fools are destroyed by their lack of common sense. The blessing of the lord makes a person rich, and he adds no sorrow with it.
Doing wrong is fun for a fool, but living wisely brings pleasure to the sensible. The fears of the wicked will be fulfilled; the hopes of the godly will be granted. When the storms of life come, the wicked are whirled away, but the godly have a lasting foundation. Lazy people irritate their employers, like vinegar to the teeth or smoke in the eyes. Fear of the lord lengthens one’s life, but the years of the wicked are cut short. The hopes of the godly result in happiness, but the expectations of the wicked come to nothing. The way of the lord is a stronghold to those with integrity, but it destroys the wicked. The godly will never be disturbed, but the wicked will be removed from the land. The mouth of the godly person gives wise advice, but the tongue that deceives will be cut off. The lips of the godly speak helpful words, but the mouth of the wicked speaks perverse words.

What have I taken away from this chapter today:
What strikes me the most today is that this chapter repeats the idea that the mouth of a godly person gives wise advice and wise words. Now, calling myself a godly woman has always been difficult, as I feel completely unqualified and that I fall way short. However, I can say that as I go throughout my day and when I sit here to write, I am relying on God to work through me. As I write, speak and listen, I am always hoping that there is an opportunity to bring something useful to another person. I desire to see God working in this life and just know that He will use me if I allow Him to.
I have always enjoyed writing and have always been insecure in it. When starting this blog, I struggled with publishing it and sharing. God was telling me that it was needed. My heart was telling me that we all need to share more with each other and that we are not alone in our struggles.
I look to bring joy to Jesus and to His children He brings along my path. Even if the words I publish bring a small comfort to just one person, I am happy. I don’t need to know that an impact is made. I only need to know where my heart is when I am writing and to have faith that it goes where it is needed.
I feel that I am showered with blessing each and every day. I am so imperfect and often cannot bear myself when I am in a bad place. We are all human and no one can be expected to reach the standard that Jesus met. I am glad to be instructed by my Lord and am glad to share those experiences with you all. I hope and pray that His word reaches your heart today.
My prayer for today:
Lord, hear my cry for You. My heart thirsts for You. Use me Lord, shine through me and work in my life. I pray that the people You bring to me are impacted by Your power and the transformations they see taking place. I thank You for Your Word and Your unending and underserved Grace. In the precious name of Jesus Christ, I pray these things.

Love them how they need to be loved

Yesterday was an interesting day for me and I want to share my experience with you all. I will continue the study in Proverbs later on today, I though this was too important to not post.

Relationships are tough at times and we can often experience the biggest conflicts with those closest to us. Marriage is no exception. Married life is full huge challenges. Our culture treats marriage as expendable. I have experienced divorce in my past and I find it crazy how high the divorce rates are, especially among Christians.

Marriage is not easier among Christians, it is just as difficult. Maybe even be more challenging in some ways. The biggest difference is that we have a relationship with with our Almighty Creator and He is working in our marriages,  if we let Him. We are called to something higher and God will do the work that needs to be done if we bring it before Him.

Today I want to remind us all that our spouse is a gift from God, even though it may not always feel like it. In marriage we challenge each other in ways no one else possibly could. Growth is not always pretty. Transformation can be ugly when we’re in the midst of it. It’s important that we remember that. My husband has challenged me in ways I never thought possible and it’s been very difficult at times, but I can look back and see just how far we’ve grown together. I need to remember how far those past challenges have brought us so that I can look at current challenges in a different light. No one pushes me out of my comfort zone like my hubby. How I handle that and respond is up to me.

My husband is not perfect,  nor should I expect him to be. I know I am far from perfect and often have to repent for my actions. This is a good thing! If we were to disillusion ourselves into thinking we are perfect,  we would miss out on the beauty that comes out of being together. If we are in a place of neutrality then we may very well be skirting over some major issues. Not that every day should be difficult. However, if I am not feeling challenged and my perspective is not being challenged then I think it is time to look at myself and see if I am choosing to remain in a stagnant place. Life is a process of never ending growth and deepening of understanding. Some lessons are harder to learn than others. However, I feel there is always a lesson to be learned.

Yesterday I experienced an example of my husband’s imperfection. He was wrong in many ways and I was hurt deeply by his actions. Later on he wanted to hug me as I was trying to go about the things that needed to be done and I pushed him away because I wasn’t ready to accept his affection. As I thought about it, I could feel Jesus reminding me to love him how he needs me to love him, not how I think he deserves to be. This blew me away. this is not a new concept, but it hit deep this time.

I still struggled for a bit and pondered this idea. Of course we should love others how they need us to. None of us deserve very much when you think about how horrible we can be in our flesh. We certainly didn’t deserve Jesus sacrificing Himself on that cross,  but He loved us so much that He gave us what we needed. We need His grace, mercy and forgiveness. If He just gave us all what we deserve we would be trouble!

I listened to that small voice from within and loved my husband how he needed me to in that moment. He was sorry for how he treated me, he talked about it and healing took place in that moment. If I had decided to continue to push him away, shut down and reject him, we would be in a very different place this morning. A place of anger, pain and suffering. Instead we’re in a place of forgiveness,  love and healing. This is a much better place to be. I know, because we’ve been in that other place and it’s not pretty.

I had a choice. I could react to the hurt and choose to clam up and shut down or I could honor my husband and God and love him beyond that. I had to put myself aside and to be vulnerable before him in the way he needed me to be. He knew he was wrong. I knew he was lashing out die to stressors beyond his control. This does not excuse his actions at all. He came to me in true repentance, I forgave and loved him through it. Isn’t this what we are to do with Jesus? How can I expect my husband to live to a higher standard than the one our Lord and Savior has set for us?

This is a lesson that I have had the privilege of learning in many ways. This applies to all relationships in our lives. Instead of shutting down and condemning people for being human, what a world it would be if we instead chose love and kindness in these moments.

We’re all far from perfect and we don’t always make the best choices but I’d like us all to keep this lesson in our hearts today.

Love them how the need us to, not how they deserve to be loved.

In the previous name of our Lord Jesus.

Proverbs Study Day 4

Day 4, how has God’s word been speaking to you lately? One of the things I truly enjoy is the fact that 2 people can be reading the same exact portion of scripture and have completely different experiences based on where they are in their walk. I hope this study is a blessing for all who are reading it.


Proverbs 4

A Father’s Wise Advice

My children, listen when your father corrects you. Pay attention and learn good judgment, for I am giving you good guidance. Don’t turn away from my instructions.  For I, too, was once a father’s son, tenderly loved as my mother’s only child. My father taught me, “Take my words to heart. Follow my commands, and you will live. Get wisdom; develop good judgment. Don’t forget my words or turn away from the. Don’t turn your back on wisdom, for she will protect you. Love her, and she will guard you. Getting wisdom is the wisest thing you can do! And whatever else you do, develop good judgment. If you prize wisdom, she will make you great. Embrace her, and she will honor you. She will place a lovely wreath on your head; she will present you with a beautiful crown.” My child, listen to me and do as I say, and you will have a long, good life. I will teach you wisdom’s ways and lead you in straight paths. When you walk, you won’t be held back; when you run, you won’t stumble. Take hold of my instructions; don’t let them go. Guard them, for they are the key to life. Don’t do as the wicked do, and don’t follow the path of evildoers. Don’t even think about it; don’t go that way. Turn away and keep moving. For evil people can’t sleep until they’ve done their evil deed for that day. They can’t rest until they’ve caused someone to stumble. They eat the food of wickedness and drink the wine of violence! The way of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, which shines even brighter until the full light of day. But the way of the wicked is like total darkness. They have no idea what they stumble over. My child, pay attention to what I say. Listed carefully to my words. Don’t lose sight of them. Let them penetrate deep into your heart, for they bring life to those who find them, and healing to their whole body. Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. Avoid all perverse talk; stay away from corrupt speech. Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you. Mark out a straight path for your feet; stay on the safe path. Don’t get sidetracked; keep your feet from following evil.


What have I taken away from this chapter today:

What struck me today was how frequently it is repeated that we need to pay attention, listen, not to forget these words, over and over. Our God knows us and knows our tendencies. I know that I can very often get wrapped up in the ways of this world and become distracted quite easily. It does not take much to knock me off-kilter and cause me to become annoyed or angry. It can be very difficult in these times to pause, take a breath and pray to God for His wisdom and peace to replace my feelings. I can struggle with choosing the appropriate response when anger is burning bright within. I become tempted to go against good judgment and to lash out.

God desires for us to lead good lives. He desires for us to posses the peace and wisdom He offers. We need to be in His word, we need to write it deep in our hearts. I am reminded of when you are carving your initials in a tree, you must go over those letters again and again until they are deep in the trunk. This is how you ensure they last and do not fade. I think it’s similar with God’s word. If I don’t take care to carve his promises and commandments deep into my heart, they will fade. If I don’t consistently ask our Lord and Creator to soften my heart, it will harden. Jesus loves me, He died for me and I need to remember these truths so that I can walk the straight paths He lies before me and to have the strength to walk away from the darkness that is always looking to consume me.

My prayer today:

Mighty God, I thank You for Your love, wisdom, grace, and mercy. I ask that You continue to soften this heart that has been so hardened by this world. I pray that I stay focused and continue to carve Your word deep into my heart. I pray that all who read this are inspired by Your word and that they too look for their hearts to be softened. I pray for Your wisdom, guidance, and peace to flow out from this life for as long as You allow me to walk this planet. I pray that I keep my eyes on the eternal and on You always. Thank You for all You have done, are doing, and will be doing in this life You have granted. In the name of Jesus I pray.

Questioning

I question everything and am unsure about most things. Often people will tell me how sure I always seem to be, I do not feel that way and am surprised that I present that way. I do not look to deceive anyone and have put some thought into why I would seem so sure to those I come into contact with when I feel so uncertain inside.

The answer is Jesus, He is the only one I have ever been truly certain of. I know that He is by my side in all things, I know that He has me right where I need to be for His Glory and I know that He will never turn away from me. This is the only certainty I hold in this life.

I know that no matter how unsure I am, Jesus is sure and has given my The Holy Spirit to guide me through this life. I know that no matter how unqualified I may feel for a task at hand, Jesus shows me the way through it. My faith has grown and I have learned to trust in our Lord in all things. I don’t need to feel comfortable and I don’t need to understand in order to do the work He lays before me. I just need to pray and discern His will and His direction in all things and I know that it will all be ok. This brings me such peace and calm.

I still worry and battle anxiety often. This is something that I know The Spirit is working on in me and I know that it does not help me through any situations. I also accept that I am human and cannot deny my human nature. As my faith grows, so does my ability to remain calm and patient. I have a long way to go, but I can also look back and see that I have already come such a long way already.

Lord, I come before You today with my anxious heart and I ask that you remind me that You are in control of all things and I need not fear the unknown. I pray that my heart remembers all that You have delivered me from in the short time I have been walking with You. I pray that my patience and peace continue to grow and deepen as I learn to trust You, for I know that my worry and angst are clues that I am not trusting in You completely. You are true Love and true Hope. You walk with me always and are working in all things. I give my emotions over to You Lord and ask that You teach me to slow down, sit quietly and to bask in You presence.

I thank You for this life You have given to me. I thank You for Your kindness, Your Love, Your Light and Your patience. I thank You and praise You for Your goodness and pray that I learn to appreciate You more each day. You are good, You are kind and I hope to be more like You each day.

Today I challenge myself and I challenge all of you to stop and take inventory of the blessings in your life. Turn away from the things you do not have and choose to count all that you are fortunate to have. Praise Him for the roof over your head, the food in your home, the relationships, etc. These things have been given to you by our Mighty King and we are His stewards. Take care of even the smallest of things put in your care and tend to all you are given with tender love and kindness.

I am exactly where I am meant to be and need to keep the proper perspective. It is so easy to get wrapped up in the stress, the frustrations and the anxieties of this world, but I know there is a higher purpose and I choose to maintain that perspective. I also ask that each of you remind me of this should we cross paths and you see me struggling. I will do the same for you. We are in this together!

 

 

Where have you been?

Almost an entire month without coming on here to write and I am not entirely sure why.

The past month has been quite interesting on many levels. I have searched some deep places of myself and faced quite a huge piece of my past hurts. This pain was buried long ago and was a much shallower grave than I thought. God is good and was with me on this journey along with a beloved sister.

We laughed, we cried, we fought the urge to run away. We were reminded to rest on God’s word and to see that He loves me despite it all.

I was obedient and shared when I felt it was time to share. I went to our meeting each week and didn’t cancel even when I knew it was going to be hard. I allowed God to do the work that needed to be done and walked away a better person than when we began.

I gained depth, perspective and peace in a short time. The best part is that I know this is just the beginning. I have many wounds that our Lord has healed in me over the years, but this is a much older and deeper wound than I have ever faced.

I will delve in more as I continue this journey and thank you all who have walked by my side through it. It’s amazing what change can transpire in a few weeks time when you allow it.

Through this process I feel like my marriage has deepened, my relationship with God has grown, my relationship with my fellow Christians has grown, my relationship with my children has deepened, and so much more than I can even put into words.

Today I tell you that no matter what you have done or are currently doing, God still loves you. That no matter how far you think you have fallen, it’s never too far. Healing can take place, this I promise you. It may be the hardest thing you ever do in your life, but it CAN happen.

Lean on the Lord, be real, be honest, face the abyss that you try hide within. You will be amazed at all the aspect of your life that will be changed. As I began to face the pain and shame I have held inside for so long I began to see how every single aspect of my life was effected by the festering wound.

You cannot run away from your past, you cannot cover up pain, you have to face it and work through it. You will be so happy that you did!