Who do I want to be?

I have found that I spend a lot of time thinking about who I want to be. I compare myself with who I once was as a sort of gauge, but I don’t often look at who I am right this moment.

Just this morning I was listening to my daily Bible reading and thought to myself, “If only I had Solomon’s wisdom” which I quickly followed up with, “But with David’s heart” and then, “Ahh, to have Job’s never wavering faith”.

Then I stopped myself. Comparing myself to others is never helpful. This is a way of putting myself down, measuring myself up to those that are “better” than me. This is not the purpose for God recording His word. He does not want us to read these and walk away feeling like we could never measure up to a particular standard. He wants us to read His words and learn from them, grow and mature through them. It’s not my place to judge, not even when it comes to myself. That is something I need to leave up to God.

I have recently started listening to the audio version of the book not a fan, by Kyle Idleman and he wrote about something the  that never really crossed my mind. A lot of believers, myself included, can look at these stories in the Bible and think, “wow, what it would be like to climb that mountain and hear God as Moses did” or “to be able to call upon God and have fire fall from heaven as Elijah did”. Kyle challenges that and asks us, when we get to heaven and see these men, do you think they will be going on about the wonderous things they accomplished in their time or do you think they will be asking us how it was to have the Holy Spirit LIVING in us always? Moses had to climb that mountain to be before God….we have Jesus right by our side every moment. THAT is an amazing place to be.

Jesus tells us, “Nevertheless, I tell you the truth: it is to your advantage that I go away, for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you. But if I go, I will send him to you.” John 16:7 (ESV)

Today I again am reminded that I need to love myself. God loves me, He has always loved me. Who am I to say I am unworthy? That has already been decided! That is the reason God sent His son, to save us from ourselves.

I will never be worthy, I will never be perfect, I will never be good. I am human and I am flawed and I accept that. I accept my failures and my need for God’s grace. I bring it all before the throne and ask Jesus to cleans me and for the Spirit to work through me, for I am unable to accomplish the things He has me here to do without His strength.

The Bible is full of beauty and lessons to be learned. Conviction can be a wonderful thing, condemnation is counter-productive.

I choose to be free in Christ and to give Him control.


Do you find yourself trying to measure up? How do you keep yourself focused on Christ and accept His unmerited Grace?


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